This piece was not written by myself but I couldn’t have said it better. The words epitomise a strong undercurrent I have been feeling for a while. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, that yearning I still feel five months after completing my trip.
If you’ve ever traveled extensively or taken a journey into the unknown, welcome to the group of lost individuals who will never be truly understood. Read below…
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The Hardest Part of Travelling that No One Talks About by Kellie Donnelley
Off the Beaten Track 
As a member of the military, I have traveled extensively as well. I have seen people at the very best moments and their very worst. I have shared felling and emotions with the local population that can not be put into words. I have learned new cultures, religions, and parts of the language. My thoughts, beliefs, and values have all been impacted by the people I have meet and the things I have seen. I am forever change in a way that can’t be expressed/explained but to those that shared the same experiences with me.
I would also argue that one does not have to travel out of their native country to find these things. There is plenty of diversity within our developed nations to have the same impacts. One only has walk out there door and seek out those things that are foreign to them.
I just returned from a 1+ year sabbatical traveling the world and this article couldn’t have been more on point in terms of how I feel now. Well written in a foreign language that only long term travelers will truly understand.
I posted this video for a reader above, but thought others would enjoy it too.
For the longest time I have been struggling with the question – now… where is home?
Enjoy.
Well written and very expressive. Like most others here, i am able to relate to this stranger.
Our perceptions, expectations, desires and response to situations, transform drastically when we are away from HOME – a place where everyboy accommodates us and in a way owns us. But when we move out of HOME and get bombarded with whole new realm of experiences and have to make our own way to interpret them without anybody simplifying it for us OR lending us their perspective, a new persona evolves. And as you beautifully noted here, that person is a stranger to all Family and Friends at HOME, who struggle to figure what has changed.
And that, i believe, is growth.
“then go home again and feel more lost in your hometown then you did in the most foreign place you visited”
I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time. I’ts so real… Ifeel like traped… and it’s so stupid, because it just depends on a decision that i’ve made… To stay.
i think before traveling we shud make our self known that at last we have to come here..
and it’s not necessary that travel the whole world in a trip.
travel everywhere but make a base where u have to come and you know that that’s the place of ur own.
I know this feeling very well. It’s definitely just a part of travelling. I feel like once you’ve been away for long, it’s very hard to settle back into your hometown for longer periods. At the same time you know you miss it when you go away. It’s really strange. That’s why I love Passenger’s song “Rolling Stone” – it descripes this feeling of always being “on the run” and not thinking you’re able to settle down.
Hi there,
the words of Kellie seem to be written out of my heart.
Travel bug …
Started traveling in the age of 17
Now I’m 46
Still traveling
Found home – in my self.
Thanx for sharing!
Stay safe
Rainer
Love the phrase, “Found home–in my self.”
To me, that’s the real value of traveling.
Everywhere can become home then.
And everyone can be family.
(We don’t have to like or agree with all of “the family”,
but we are all human together.)
Hi Peg,
thanks for your words.
For me home is – where I’m breathing – now – here – writing to you.
Stay save!
Rainer
Sounds good. How did you find home in yourself?
Hi Marcela,
… what’s home?
Everything can change, get lost, get old, divided, …
Nothing stays in the end – except yourself.
It’s endless.
I worked in many fields, got 5 occupations, a carrier, large apartments, money. I lived in a rooftop without heater, had no money, lived in small huts in yards. Had deep relationships. Been single.
And all the time I was slightly happy. Of course there’ve been hard times too, but you get over it and learn to deal with it.
In the end I realized the only thing that stays the same – is change and myself. So I took a look at it – and it was true.
While traveling it becomes obvious, wherever you are – you’re with your self – and suddenly it’s gets quiet and peaceful.
It’s like zooming out and getting a view from a distance.
What’s your experience?
Are you a traveler?
Where’s your home?
Enjoy life
Rainer
love this comment of yours
exactly! I always followed my heart and it lead me to myself
Yes! That’s what my comment would be about, does growth and change only come when traveling?
No, home is what you perceive it to be. Traveling or not, You are always accompanying yourself.
Tnx Rainer
Maybe it’s easier for me, because I grew up in a large family and gradually felt less and less a part of things as I grew up… but I haven’t felt at home unless I am adventuring in some way – even in the cities where I settled for years at a time. I learned to explore myself and the people around me, when I couldn’t or was too afraid (for whatever reasons) to explore the cities and towns. I learned to explore the libraries, learned to wander to new parts of town – to the marina, to the trails in the woods, to the run-down parts of town and to the universities and to the wealthy neighborhoods.
Every place – even the place where you grew up – has secrets, places unfamiliar to you. Every person, too, has secrets, feels unfamiliar, has dreams unlived, feels uncomfortably detached from others who think they know them… and it is possible to reach into them and connect, to be familiarly unfamiliar with even people you think you know.
I’m traveling now – of a sort, for I’ve been living on a English farm with a man I met and loved years ago, but he’s not a farmer, and I’m merely growing a few vegetables.
The struggle is real, every day, to delve into more unknown parts of myself, of this tiny village, of him, of this farm — when I am the only one participating, in many cases; when I would love to be back in Pythagorio, Greece, where I made friends so easily with so many other sailors, townsfolk; where everything was beautifully unfamiliar.
And that is the wonder of being in unfamiliar places: we become addicted to learning new ways to live, and to practicing those new ways — that are just not applicable everywhere.
But, there is a new way to live… and, as Ranier said: it is realizing that you’re you, and that, no matter where you are or with whom you spend time, will live, will learn, will change, will explore, no matter what.
Exploration is everywhere.
Perfectly said! How eye opening and Movational! Thank you for that! !!!!!!! 🙂
I couldn’t have said it better myself. Well said!
What a great thought you shared! I think this is the answer for us that are searching for where can we find the peace!
I personally go to God to find myself.
Thank you,
Gaëlle
Well said. It’s like having one leg in your homeland and one in the rest of the world not quite fitting in either. There is a new definition of what ” being home” means. For me it’s being with my husband wherever we are.
Dominique
How flipping true this is. I’ve read so many travel blogs, and ive never seen someone mention this. Yet every traveller knows it. Anyone who’s traveled anywhere knows it. Far more than true. Love it.
wow, this is hurts, i did have similar feelings when back from UK back in 2014 January.
I do have similar feelings when back from travelling.
I have travelled in all possible ways for 50 years, but I don’t consider myself a true traveller. Of thousands of travellers I have met, I consider true travellers only a handful of them. A true traveller has no home to come back to, no comfort zone to renounce to, no depressive place where to feel trapped again. And still, they take responsibility on their lives and on other’s. The best example was a travelling family, working and educating their child on the road.
I am what you describe: no country I can call home, no geographical comfort zone, and I think itms true what you say: there is a difference between different ways of traveling. The more we abandon ourselves to travel, the more we get out of it. In the same way, there are degrees of integrating with and getting close to other cultures. Working for an embassy or a big corporation in a capital city is not the same as marrying a local and moving in with the extended family in a rural village.
But I wouldn’t be so harsh as to not call you a true traveler. Anyone who throws themselves out there independently and lets the road set the itinerary qualifies in my book. I was more of a traveler when I was eight years old and took off on my own, bicycling for hours past the end of my known world, than I am today, living in yet another new country with a completely new life at the age of 60.
I also have all the respect in the world for those who choose to stay in one place and build a life, taking one-week breaks on the same sunny beach every year.
So agree, we experience his changes in different ways but the change is the same. I was livk g my country emmigrated then did it again actually 3 times, than travel …..
But in many ways it was the same experience.
The hardest thing was to get back to my parents house where we could stay for a while after 6,5 months. We were so happy to get ‘home’ again and then this: my grandpa had cancer and my parents and everybody just talked about this. Grandpa here, gradpa there, grandpa everything. It was not possible for us to stay there for longer, we moved to the house next to my parents where we were alone. Like the last 6,5 months… Till now nobody has seen a lot of pictures or was interested in some storys. There was no time for anything… now 3,5 years have passed and it still hurts.
I feel bad when I feel angry about my grandpa, well sometimes I do a little bit… He died after one year and everything was normal again after that…
Travel is often viewed as a luxury and therefore easily dismissed from “real life” i.e. dealing with a sick grandpa. both are real in the eyes and hearts of the beholders.
a horrible selfish thinker.
you don’t deserve a passport! EVER
Oh wow, thanks for your caring words!! i just wanted a little time with my family and we just couldn’t live with them – we had to move out after very short time. i was really happy to see them all again, but there wasn’t anybody… nobody would have get hurt if they spent a little time with us after 6,5 months away… just a little. nothing to do with selfish…
And you even misspelled your username
I think people saying you’re selfish are those who don’t know this feeling of coming back. They don’t know how it’s important that people that stayed home while you were away look at you, listen to your stories, look at your photos… It feels so important suddenly to show them, and that they give a space to it. Like saying : “hey, look what I did, look who I became, look at these friends I wish I could present you…” Otherwise this feeling of lonelyness and uncomprehension so well described in this article just gets even worse because they don’t integrate AT ALL your new reality in theirs.
It doesn’t take anything to the dying grandpa, it’s justified feelings ! I understand what you feel and hope you could at least share this with friends… From your hometown or those you met travelling 😉
I disagree the hardest part about travelling is meeting amazing people who will never see again. realising on your birthday that all the people you want to be there never will because they live on the other side of the world. Most of my friends at home have travelled so there jealous and happy when I have my stories. Im very much over travelling I want to be in a place where people know me, I can be myself. The main thing for me now is staying on one place that I can call home I fed up of all my friends living so far away (even in England) I loved travelling but I love now having a place to call home.
Love your wording! So true Rosanne, after years of traveling I absolutely feel the same.
‘Home’ is a place with familiar smells, sounds, doors squeaking, laughter and love. That does not come in a year or two, it is a growing process. Traveling is a learning process only you experience.
Dear Single Privileged Person,
This is a letter for you. In no way is this out of malice or jealousy but rather in response to your thoughts on coming home after being away for a bit.
Like anything else, traveling can be an addiction. That adrenaline rush on the plane and all the things to follow just keeps your blood pumping for more. I’ve had my fair shares of traveling-withdrawal-syndromes on those days at the office after having just returned from a wonderful few weeks to a foreign land. True enough, all I can think about at that moment is to set plans for my destination but hey, reality kicks in. There are bills to pay, mouths to feed and loved ones to love at home.
Yes, we understand that things have changed for you and you’ve seen a great deal that most of us will probably never be able to see in our lifetimes. When you’re home, all you want to do is tell people of that hippie you met who lived with a knapsack on his back and performed with a piccolo in bars and joints or of a girl you met who used to be a corporate figure but then dropped everything and set sail into the sunset. These stories touch you and thus change your thoughts on life – that it’s bigger and there’s so much more out there than what your little hometown can give.
When you come home, everything is familiar and hence “the same”. But hey, while you’re out there experiencing new and exciting changes every second, so are those back home (as mentioned in your article). It might not be as dramatic as jumping off cliffs into the ocean or hopping onto a gypsy trailer but it’s the little things that change us all no matter where we are. That new job promotion, putting a ring on it, seeing your baby for the first time, losing your grandfather to cancer. All these are just as life changing and eye-opening. It’s a choice (or for some, not really) to stay and experience the reality of life instead of constantly trying to run away and live another life.
To say that nothing’s changed is probably because you have not changed your mind about the things back home. Were you there when your sister graduated, your best friend got married, your newborn nephew cried or your Aunt May came to visit with her awesome cookies she perfected over the years? Did you want to hear about those stories first hand the moment you got back home? Or were you too eager to share yours and tell people how privleged you are to be able to just dump everything and leave without a second thought on who will pay the bills, put food on the table for your familiy, volunteer in that shelter home? The new you seeks to be understood. In fact, you’re screaming inside for people to give you some sense of belonging at home but all you can think about is being back on the road again with all the lost travelers who feel the same.
So, while you’re out there creating wonderful Instagram-worthy moments, the people back home are doing just the same and living life as they know it. There’s a sense of stability and familiarity that I do believe most of us look for eventually even after being out there for a number of years. I’m sure you are too but it’s just that you have not found that place yet.
Maybe instead of feeling lost in a place you expect to be totally familiar with, have a new approach that this is another place you’re traveling to and the people you’re meeting are new people whom you seek to understand their ways, culture, thoughts. Treat old friends like you’re meeting them for the first time. Go to that mart you’ve been to everyday growing up as a kid s if you’re seeing it for the first time and greet the owner like you would as if you were seeing him for the first time.
Dear traveller, do continue with your wonderful journies and photograph the moments for others to enjoy and journey with you but please, remember that when you’re changing, so is everything else.
“We don’t see things the way they are, we see things the way we are.” -Anaïs Nin
Thankyou thankyou thankyou for writing this reply. I thought the exact same when reading her blog and to be honest I wasn’t actually too fond of it.
I am a constant traveller, always in search of new experiences and adventures. But even I know that we all speak the same language in terms of what it’s like to leave, change, grow, experience and learn. Some just like to do this in the comfort of their own town.
Nice. Very well said!
Thanks for this. 🙂
Hi!
I’ve been travel a lot and lived away from home from years. Coming back and travel again, for years. Starting all over again, every single time. Now I’m abroad again.
With time the return culture shock (this what is call in cross culture studies) just fade, and now my home town it’s my Ithaca as per Ulysse or Kostantino Kavafis (check his poem Ithaca). I understood it’s part of myself, it’s my live engine, the blood in my veins. Now I know there’s nothing better than being at home, than having your family around, the only people who will love you no matter what and be happy to see you just because it’s you. You cant imagine the high of walking on the same street you were walking as child, having memory at any corner and seeing the people who made your personal story around in the same streets. You’ll feel that high after years of traveling and waking in beautiful street that means nothing to you.
Thanks for this comment, Mel. I couldn’t agree with you more, but I still needed to hear it like this. Your amazing way of putting it. I have travelled and feel kinda lost back in my hometown now, but I also feel this amazing safeness of being close to old friends and family. Thank again for your way of putting it – couldn’t have said it any better myself.
Im the guy that always feels like he doesn’t belong… that’s what this song is about…. I go to civilization.. and im too much a hippie.. .i go with the hippies.. and im too civilized… I go to Greece.. and im too American… I go to america…and im too greek. Wat the fuk finally… lol its become funny….and lonely
I find some people sometimes to connect.. but id love to be in love too!!! Ooo what iv been through…oo Jamie was the one girll… that was sooo different.. but loved me sooo much… ooo I miss her touch…. I loved her too.. I just didn’t know…. I thought I was a hippy… and I needed to have sex with the whole world…. Little did I know sex had nothing to do with it… ooo Jamie.. .where is our loveeee… o jamies it was soooo greatttt but now your gone.. 🙂 and i have to find another one…
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I have travelled and had the same epic feeling upon returning this is the poem I wrote to try to explain feelings that a traveler processes from start to finish. The cure is to plan the next trip, never stop dreaming and take life one step at a time :o)
A View Beyond The Blinders
You’re scared to look
Don’t know what to expect
So peek – it draws more
One bold bound, on a plane
Other side of the world
Blinders gone
What were you scared of
Adventure, fulfillment, life itself
You learn, absorb, create
A lifetime of memories
Thoughts and feeling
Hold on, it will be deep
Don’t let it go
The ones that meant the most
Friends
Don’t always understand
Time helps
Doesn’t cure
You feel trapped
Frustrated, angry at the world
All alone and bored
Don’t blame them
Remember you have seen the view
Beyond the blinders
Fascinating. So few words, so many emotions! Congratulations C!
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Ahhh Wonderlust,
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Thanks a ton for your answer Rainer. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot. I want to feel and have that certainty that you seem to have acquired as a result of your experiences. I am a traveller too. I’ve lived in many different places yet I find myself just ‘slightly’ happy as you put it.The world makes me feel sad and frustrated at times. However I am totally aware there’s so much I am and still need to be grateful for. I’d like to find someone to talk about these things with. I am glad I came across your blog. I am studying German and your blog caught my eye. I am very far from you,assuming you are in Germany that is.:) let’s say oceans away!
If you rely on people for comfort, dependability, approval, your in for a big crash.
True. The most important thing is self-sufficiency, and just being okay knowing that you’re on your own.
I understand what you are saying, however wasn’t that exactly why you wanted to travel and experience a different way of life for a while? If you’d been totally contented at home and wanted to be like everyone around you, you’d never have gone travelling – you’d have settled for the easy life in a local job, relationship, or whatever. Now you’ve done it and feel you still want something from life that “home” doesn’t provide, so it should show you that you need to decide what that is and go get it. You can’t expect others to change for you – it’s your responsibility now to make it happen and maybe when you have done that, you’ll be glad that there are still people who haven’t changed in your “old” life for future times when you may want or need to go back to something that is familiar, whether temporarily or permanently. The difficult I think is when you just dont manage to find out what you want and so it is hard to pursue any particular route!
“The difficulty, I think, is when you just don’t manage to find out what you want and so it is hard to pursue any particular route!”
True!
That is a spot that is not easy to find, especially while the “travel bug”, as someone else has called it, is still twitching. Mine still is. After almost 6 years of having settled I am still groping for a balance. The balance between what I have become, which I cherish and do not want to lose, and the “old ways” of the people I have “returned to”.
Like someone else, someone who signs as “C”, has written here, I have seen the view beyond the blinders.
Very perceptive, and very moving … but if you have 401k savings (as suggested in your piece) then why come home to settle? Why not treat home as a staging post?
I loved this post!! definitely as I felt when I come back home. I´ve been 3 years abroad and I wont change anything of the experience I ´ve lived. and as you said we feel more foreign in our hometown than in other country…
So true and thanks for putting it in words. Couldn’t have said it better, that’s why I just keep traveling.
Absolutely the hardest part, but I’ve chosen to just keep traveling as much as I can…to keep me sane!
“Explorers are not, perhaps, the most promising people with whom to build a society. Indeed, some might say that explorers become explorers precisely because they have a streak of unsociability and a need to remove themselves at regular intervals as far as possible from their fellow men.” ~ The Lost City of Z, by David Grann
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This was such an awesome read and so true! We wrote about this exact thing when returning from our year spent travelling the world! https://khtravels.org/2016/03/06/the-realities-of-coming-home/
Exactly!
They do not care about what you did because they cannot relate.
You have seen the view beyond the blinders.
Those are the same exact words I keep telling myself. I have seen the view beyond the blinders.
While the article is quite true, I think some of these replies have hit the nail on the head.
Personally, I think the hardest part of travelling is the disconnect you have from life back home, the alienation. You have to drift in and out of people’s lives to the point where you are missing their life-changing moments, and they are missing yours for years. When you’re gone people move on, and get closer to one another, and sure they’re happy to see you back, but you’re hardly even on the same page anymore. Your parents look much older, and you worry that one of these days they’re going to get sick, and you will have missed everything.
Sadly, the people who (as one reply said) “get you,” those new friendships/lovers you make while travelling are temporary, and then you’re back on your own. And each time, you’re always an outsider, everywhere you go….for life…and THAT is the curse of being a traveller, doomed to die alone.
In my case I feel more awake and more happy in my life. I live in the best country in the world and I have amazing people around me. Travelling is great but there is no place like home at the end of the day. When you highlight you feel lost, what do you mean, how do you feel lost and why? If anything you should feel more yourself than anything. Let’s talk more about this.
My gosh I want to put this on my blog Haha.
It’s worse for me. I haven’t been home for more than a few weeks at Christmas and then back but… It’s scary. The last week I’m usually kinda bored.
I used to have a huge group of friends and in three years all of them have gotten married and hardly hang out anymore. All go to different churches. We used to meet every week after church. Now that church hall seems empty as the friends who still do go there rush home or to lunch with their new family. Sigh
Thanks for sharing! I think this phenomenon have been now and then addressed as reverse culture shock, to return to a place which is supposed to be your “home” but you don’t feel like belonging it there anymore. I came back to my home country only once since I left, almost a month and honestly, I already realized myself not being able to fit in. It is not the same kind of “fitting in” I wished to have being a teenager, years of living abroad has continuously teaching me to value my own self the most rather than others. But it is this kind of “fitting in” that you wish when you tell your stories, they will truly resonate and give you big nods, and join your vibe of doing things. I wrote few posts about how it felt to be back to a place you lived, after living in new environment, and a post (inspired by one of my lecturer, called “What is home?”) sharing similar thoughts. Just to let you know if you feel interested, but thanks again for the post!
True Words!!
I feel the same way … even if I just visit my hometown … after a day or two it just feels dreadful and I wanna flee again. Run off to places that are even farther away. I can’t even imagine ever going back to my hometown, even though it is a big city with 1.8 million people living there — it just feels like a repetition of everything that I was trying to get away from when moving away years ago.
Thank you so much for this. You saved me. I thought I was alone in this world. Still I am alone in my world. Just need to find someone bitten by the same bug and try to cure it together.
It is all true, as a beginner traveller, but when you have been doing this for 30 years, you dont want to go home anymore, home will never be home again. You dont care that nobody understand and you dont want to deal with questions of people that have a life radius of 5 km and they are content with that. Home is where you will be next and the experiences you will have. Its deffenatley not all sunshine and roses , its hard times and struggles and lonelyness , tears and all the rest. As i have always said , if some of my friends have to walk in my shoes of the last 20 years, most of them wont make it. As a friend told me once, carissa, you have chosen a very difficult life for yourself. Its survival of the fittest for sure. Still, i dont regret my choice , because according to my philosophy -life , i have lived and i am still living, not just suviving, but living life to the fullest. :))
You do not regret your choice… and given the opportunity I bet that, knowing what you know today, you would have made the same choice.
I have traveled and lived in four different continents for 40 years. Every now and then, I return “home”. Not to show my pictures or tell my travel-tales, but to see the few remaining true friends and family. Because I want to hear their stories and see if they are doing ok. My travels are my own life, my own stories, which most people back home cannot relate to. And that is fine. If someone is interested and wants to hear my stories, I will happily share them. If not, they are forever engraved in my memory and are a part of who I am at this point.
In the end, we all travel for our own pleasure, to fill the urge to see and experience other parts of the world and different cultures. This urge is not shared by everyone. You travel alone, you come back home alone. If you can accept that, there won’t be any disappointments.
Bang up my street this. So true. Am I being big headed with the way I look at life now? Perhaps. But guess what I don’t care. Once you do this you cannot look back. Different reality to the one force-fed by society. We’ve gone past it. Next level baby and I’m so grateful I’m there now, so sad some people don’t even get to taste this. Life is different now, we are 1% club and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
You can read more on my blog as it’s my mission to open up people’s eyes and say yes you can do this. No excuses. I’m trying my best to show others this way. Any help is appreciated 🙂 http://iamdanelson.com
This is so true. I’ve been travelling for a year had ups and downs but loved it. I came home to surprise my family was so nice. But now things have gone back to the old ways again. I’m bored in the house and everyone’s else is busy. Can’t stay need to go back and travel. Doesn’t feel the same anymore
Well said..
What an amazing article, it is resonating well with all of us word travellers who changed by our own choice of opening our eyes and hearth to new things, new people, new ways of living and learned to respect differences. I feel it is lifting us out of our previous spiritual egsisence to a different wavelength and really the only way I can survive to try to infiltrate this new tolarence in others and help to open their eyes as well. It is really not about us, it is the need in the world to lift out of chairs and comfort and raise ourselves to embrace the world .
Thanks for sharing the hardest part of travelling that no one talks about. It is definitely a true feeling for a travel bug, like me. Guess this feeling has no boundary in terms of nationality or races. So long one is a travel bug, you just cannot walk away from the existence of this feeling. Live every now moment to the fullest, to me travel is just one of the ways to do it. Because it has become part of me, no matter how strong the feeling will affect me, I have no regret doing so, start travel few years ago, and still counting even I am now back to a normal working life. Always remind myself, you only live once!
You are speaking my language loud and clear….or is I am speaking yours?
I completely understand where you’re coming from; it’s a rough transition at the best of times….which could explain why I just ran away again yesterday.
Best of luck with your future Returns!
Good and bad memories always in our mind after a short or long trip, but we always want more, new places, new friend,new experiencies, meet old friends in the other side of the world, but our hometown and family will always there, thinking about us. We know that they will always have love and hugs for us, that’s why we are not afraid to leave them.
Beautifully inspiring comments over here. The article is great. I know this feeling too good as well and it’s overwhelming to read in the comments how many people feel actually the same!
I especially love the part about speaking a language that only travellers understand.
What I miss most in my home village (and cities around) are these kind of people- open minded, constantly growing and inspiring others to grow… I only find these people on travels and it makes me feel very lonely at home to have this lack of fulfilling positivity. Actually I just started attending couchsurfing meet-up’s in hope to find these kind of people there 🙂