This piece was not written by myself but I couldn’t have said it better. The words epitomise a strong undercurrent I have been feeling for a while. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, that yearning I still feel five months after completing my trip.
If you’ve ever traveled extensively or taken a journey into the unknown, welcome to the group of lost individuals who will never be truly understood. Read below…
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The Hardest Part of Travelling that No One Talks About by Kellie Donnelley
Off the Beaten Track 
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probably a short time solution is to host travelers, couchsurfers …whatever! they are most surely speak the traveler language ! this is how i survived 😛
after hosting the right amount of travelers you’ll find the guts and determination to leave home again !
I also host. I love listening to their current adventures. It helps.
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This is a great piece, mainly in order to open up the topic for discussion. Here’s a thought, why is it so important for others to notice the change in you? Is it to reassure yourself you’ve actually changed, and that it indeed wasn’t just a waste of time? Stopping to look for external reaffirmations of your “success” (for lack of better word) in your travels may end giving you more happiness with it all. You didn’t go traveling for that reason after all, did you? Be confident enough to accept that as much as you did change, others have not. Both need to be taken into account and I am sure over time people will see the changes in you for themselves.
It’s not that one needs the affirmation of others recognizing the change. It’s that a huge part of us involves our relationships with others. The relationships become more difficult when you have changed and they still see you and treat you the same. As an analogy, it is like if even when you’re thirty, you parents treat you like a teenager still. How can have a relationship with them when they do not recognize who you are and have become?
Well explained👍
Yes, this! I found that, when I got back, it was the relationships with those closest to me that most suffered, not through any fault of theirs or mine, but because we had changed while apart; I spent so much time in arguments with my father because when I left, I was 16; when he next saw me, I was 18 and a completely different person, but to him, I was still the same. But I didn’t react to things he said or did the way he expected me to, and I didn’t say and do what he expected me to do anymore. The way I saw the world wasn’t eschewed through his own anymore, because I wasn’t just exposed to the world through him and what he deemed acceptable, I was out exploring for myself, finding new points of view on things and creating my own decisions based on them – points of view he had no thought on because he hadn’t experienced what I had.
Usually, when we change, we change WITH the people in our lives, and everyone slowly adapts to the changes without ever even realising that’s what we’re doing (or not, as the case may be). It took me and my dad a while to get there – years, in fact, because we had to basically get to know each other from scratch.
Despite all that, I’ve never regretted leaving, not even for a second. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Spot on, Elise!
This comment is more in coherence with my thoughts than the article itself. How much do you really change by travelling? You meet new people, you get new impulses. You develop socially, you open up and you become more adaptable to people and situations around. This is all part of developing yourself, this is part of growing up as a person. This is important mostly for yourself, and the future ahead of you.
How often have you acknowledged changes in other people around you? Aren’t you often thinking about them as being the same as they always have been? Isn’t it arrogant to focus on your own mental development, and being bothered by not getting attention for it? And isn’t half the point of developing by travelling to bring those changes back home and apply them to those around you?
I changed a lot by travelling, but I am definately still the same person. I developed equally much by moving to a different town, and starting college. Everyday life in a new city also brings new impulses. And I can see changes in most of my friends from back home, at least those who who moved out from our hometown. Though, unfortunately, I rarely tell them. And knowing all those things for myself is enough to appreciate the experiences I’ve had.
Though there might be another trip in the future.
I agree! An exercise in self-absorption and really about a need for acknowledgement. Of course travel changes you or maybe more accurately, changes the way you see things. It is akin to someone’s journey into self awareness; it can be a lonely journey sometimes, because many have not experienced it. But the difference in self awareness is we learn that it is not about others or their perceptions, but our own. Perhaps this feeling is more about an unfilled need that is not satisfied by outward things; but rather the real journey that we have yet to take…the one inside us all.
You prove the point of the story to a tee. If you’ve done it every word of the article mKes sense. If you haven’t then there’s just no explaining it. I feel exactly the way the author feels. Well said.
I think sometimes the hardest part isn’t that people haven’t noticed you have changed but that you have become used to a different way of connecting with people. When you are traveling you make fast friends, sometimes people you have traveled with for two weeks feel like family. This doesn’t happen in day to day life, plus you are constantly meeting like minded people and connecting with them probably a lot on he subject of travel freedom etc. You have changed some for the better, maybe people at home do notice but now the ones that have changed too aren’t around to share that changed way of connecting so you feel alone instead of hoping you have cool new bunk mates. Making calls to make plans instead of smiling over your shoulder. I think we miss the sense of community in our “normal” lives. I know I do.
I agree with all you said!! When I studied abroad I felt like coming home, sometimes I didn’t even had to explain myself and people just “got” it. It’s not the same coming home to your old hometown where people are set in their ways and see life in another way.
That’s exactly it, it’s the community of like minded souls! I had real heart ache for that for such a long time when I got home but then when I started a job I liked I realised that everyone worked so well together and they were all so nice and welcoming that I have a community right at home. it’s different and we’re all different and nobody else likes traveling as much as me but you CAN feel that sense of community if you really want it. I also took up Spanish classes to feel apart of another community and that works too, I think just to be able to appreciate being at home as much as you can (because youl probably leave again at some point so may as well make the most of home while you can) you should think about what makes traveling so good and find similar beauty’s at home. Hiking and community has defiantly soothed that heart ache for me.
Or maybe your daily life at home is too different from the place where you’ve left. Like being friendly and close-knit only when they have to be.
Travel more and find good things in your journeys then you’ll figure it out!
I think what the author meant is that you are not able to get the same satisfaction out of the now mundane and routine interactions with people as you once enjoyed them. And as the person with a new perspective and insight, the yearning for chances to share this meanigfully is real, but unrealistic at the same time. I get it…
Amen. The author lost me at ‘welcome to the group of lost individuals who will never be truly understood.’ No one is special or misunderstood for travelling. What a load of bullocks.
Have you ever done travelling like this DD? Why would you think of it as bulloocks? I see this as a perfect way to describe how we experience the time when we are not travelling / come back home from travelling extensively, and I feel happy and content knowing that there are others that feel exactly the same………realizing that I am not the only one experiencing this.
For me, I felt this way, I wanted people to notice the change in me but it wasnt to confirm that it was all for a reason or to confirm that I have grown, I wanted them to see a change in me so they could change themselves and LIVE.
Nobody is on the same wavelength when your home, sure they’re interested in what you did and the story’s you tell but they are not risk takers they have no confidence to get up and go and leave everything behind because of the negative attitude and lack of self belief they have and it kills you to see the ones you love around you working to pay bills, have kids and know that the circle continues monotonously and their money is spent on stuff rather than experience. Your also judged because you have a standard car and your still living with your parents and your the only one who judges your success by the countries you’ve explored rather than the success of your children or your career – so while your thinking everyone around you is in this conforming rut and not truly living, everyone around you is thinking your a scrounger who needs to get your head out of the clouds – and that is why it is so important for everyone to notice the change in me. Because I don’t want to conform, I want to live an amazing life and I want everyone else to live an amazing life too.
I was a bit annoyed by this. Acknowledgement of positive attributes in general is never a bad thing, but how could you go so far to be frustrated? I’m pretty sure it was an enlightening experience, but what you’ve gained is yours and yours alone. Trying to implement new perspective into others is also fine, but don’t expect them to call it out and have a discussion with you. (as well as don’t shove it down their throats)
Maybe instead of being angered on the ‘dull-minded’, you should take whatever you have learned in your trip and implement them in your actions. Carry them as your mentality, ideals and philosophies of your evolving persona. Actions speak louder than words, always.
Worry about your own life instead of trying to force your ideals on others. Do you need someone to validate you as a person because you’ve travelled? Your path is for you. If someone else chooses a family, or accumulating “stuff” instead of visiting other countries, that is their choice.
I agree Tal. If travel taught me one thing it was that I am totally responsible for my happiness. What people think of me is irrelevant! Do what makes you happy and you will attract people. People love to be around someone who is happy and contented.
Wow, I love your style of writing. I have always yearned to travel from my youth. I traveled and I travel again. I am about to cast off once again into the unknown. Yes people do not understand, and the label ‘ unstable ‘ is stuck to us , but this pursuit for discovery and this communion with others around the world is stronger than the rest, and more appealing to me than a big 401K.. LOL
Thanks for putting in words that makes us, traveler, at peace with that strange feeling of coming back home.
I am a strong believer and I live with this thought: Father, my home is where your presence is.
My family is all around the globe, sisters, brothers, fathers, mothers, friends that belong to this great family of world citizen.
Blessings to You
Blessings to you for sharing the joy of knowing we all are His children and sometimes we are privileged to share Agape love with our extended family everywhere on this earth. Beautiful. Thank you.
I wrote a very similar thought on my blog after returning home from 7 years of travelling developing countries… you may relate to it 🙂
http://www.petrapetsphoto.com/the_worst_best_idea/
Wow! This feeling is so real. I’m still living abroad but the idea of going back home and doing the same thing I was doing before is utterly depressing. Great read!
Try not to let that depress you, sometimes we just need to go back home then travel again to tell more stories.
In as much as I still traveling as an adventure, I still try to fight it not to misshome that mmuch but when I returned back, the travel bug get hold of me. Just as it was explained, nothing have changed and nobody understands my language, that feeling!
It must be so hard having the money to travel the world. And nobody notices how worldly you’ve become? How awful.
This is selfish rubbish.
I personally don’t have the money to travel the world, I get work visas and work my ass off in most countries I visit. I don’t care if people don’t notice I have changed but it means I have little in common with the people I once had everything in common with and it’s lonely. The assumption of money doesn’t relate to the point of the article.
Really?!
If you’ve ever been traveling you haven’t done it right. Otherwise you couldn’t write that. That’s really making me angry. It’s a real psychological problem for many people and it helps to talk about it so read other blogs if you don’t get things like that
And your the almighty judge of how to travel right
I travel the world on a pittance. I gave up car, house, cable and restaurant meals to do so. Many people think I have money. I don’t. I just know my personal priorities and they are not the same as those who do not travel.
So… no, I don’t think this is “selfish rubbish”. Everyone loves to be acknowledged for who they are in some small way. The sense of gain and loss felt by travelers is very real. It takes only kindness for friends to show they care.
Very true, your point is so valid. I believe real travellers would keep away from so much of these material things to fond a way to travel. Sometimes these things might be what holds you back and this is a sign that the travel bug have caught hold of you, wanting to travel again after every travel.
My daughter did quite a bit of travelling – she pointed out, correctly, that there is a huge difference between “travelling” and “going on holiday”. One requires lots of money to keep one in comfort, the other is often uncomfortable but often more rewarding.
I couldn’t agree more, traveling the world takes courage and self motivation because you may end up not coming back to bass again, holiday us always for a short while and when the travel bug get hold of you, everywhere you go to becomes home.
You obviously read this piece with negative and jealous attitude and probably didn’t have the opportunity to travel. These youngsters are not complaining, only trying to make the point that by traveling you actually find yourself. I know youngsters who worked very hard to finance their own travels, and it has done them a world of good. Don’t judge people for doing what they need to do to make themselves better people.
I agree with this statement and I actually I learned how self absorbed I was through travelling. Don’t get me wrong I really enjoyed my travels and I wouldn’t take it back. But what I noticed over time is how important it was for me to take good pictures and make sure it was seen on Facebook….
After travelling a lot I started to realize that I wasn’t actually getting what I thought I was getting out of it. I think you can travel the whole world and still be a very ignorant, lost, and uncultured person.
However, that being said I still think its worth it and I hope to never stop. I think people just need to be careful and not obsess about what other people think of themselves.
And then omg you have to come back and g-d forbid have real responsibilities again.
Travelling is not only for the rich. It’s for people who are brave enough to take that leap. And whether you are fortunate to have the money or not. Those who aren’t will work until they do. Don’t make assumptions about people and don’t be bitter towards people that have done and are doing something that you yern to do yourself.
No it isn’t. Some of us travel with no money – like volunteering for Peace Corps. We experience the same thing as she is describing – the yearning for true meaningful connection. It’s a human need.
How absolutely true! How many millions of people who will never have the opportunity to leave their own villages would love a bit of that sort of hardship. How self indulgent and arrogant to think that everyone else has stayed the same. When this person has grown up they will understand that bonds can be made quickly and strongly in all sorts of crisis experiences too. Why shouldn’t people still treat you the same, when you can’t see them and think they haven’t changed. Yeah settling down again after travelling can be a pain, but grow up get real and realise how privileged you are!
And you, Sarah Gleeson, would be the kind of person referred to in the article that just doesn’t understand. Your comment suggests that you haven’t had the opportunity to travel. Jealousy is an ugly thing.. I hope you have a great day.
Love this comment. Thank you for some unpretentious common sense.
Sarah, you sound defensive. You’ve missed the point they’re trying to get across and at the same time epitomize what they are facing after being away.
Really? This piece speaks volumes about the reality of traveling and you want to point to grammar? You totally missed the point….
Exellent Article , I can resonate with every thing you have written. #Wanderlust Nomad
Yes we travelers are a sort of tragic hybrids, we have changed but we have also stayed the same. We have a tragically torn soul that many don’t understand, hence the tragedy. We belong to many places but also nowhere exactly, #amiright?
Well said Amy. It will be even harder for my children to go “home” to a country that they only remember from brief holidays rather than from a collective life lived there. They have seen the world and now I fear that one place will never be enough for them again.
Wonderful sentiment. Go be an editor elsewhere. I would think if you took the time to write this, you did this for your own ego, and not for the writer.
Great article. When I was a younger man, I had a great friend who was an old guy. He told me once, “If you have to make a choice between creating a new experience or making more money, choose the experience every time.” I have followed that advice often and it has taken me to places that were rich, poor, beautiful, ugly, different, exotic…Great friendships have been made all over the world. One great thing about living in this age is that even those in third world countries often have some access to technology and facebook, so keeping up with them is possible. The coming home “re-entry” is the hardest part of travelling. I am fortunate in that I have a group of friends who also enjoy taking off for other parts of the country/world regularly. We can share those experiences. Hosting exchange students/travelers is another way to help deal with the feeling of being trapped in a mono-lingual/mono-cultural society. (Maybe this is easy for me to say at the moment as I am sitting in a hammock in a small village in the mountains of Honduras as I write this….heading back to the States in another week.)
It’s ok that family and friends don’t understand.. It’s not their fault. You are blessed to have experienced what you did, most people haven’t been given that opportunity to travel abroad. Consider yourself blessed and learn something else that you can add to your list.. Contentment and be grateful for what you have.
The person who said this is “selfish rubbish” is why I stopped talking about my travels when I’d get home to my small town.
See, I worked for a cruise line for six years, in my 40’s and 50’s; worked long, hard hours. Bonded with the people there, and yes, saw the world. It’s not about feeling shiny and special when you get back. It’s about others thinking the life is shiny and glamorous, when it’s just life.
You come home full of world and experience and few can relate to this. There’s a lot of misconception and a fair amount of envy, so you just don’t talk about it. A different language describes it well.
It doesn’t have to cost a lot to travel, but there is a cost. It’s worth it.
You really hit the nail on the head when you said people see it as shiny and special when really it’s just life in another place. It’s lonesome to not be able to relate to others, especially when they see you as a ‘rich’ or ‘lucky’ person. I have gotten lucky but have also worked hard to travel, and others don’t get it. It’s also lonesome that they shut travel conversations down almost every time, probably mostly due to envy like you said. I’m glad other travelers get it!! We’re not actually alone 🙂
So true.
When I’m with friends who have never traveled much, they just don’t get why I spend my money on traveling than saving it in the bank for retirement. Argh!
I saw this post while going through my newsfeed on Facebook through friends sharing this on their timelines.
This could not be anymore accurate. I suffer from anxiety, and I spent one semester abroad in London. This was the first time I left the US for an extended period of time. At first, I knew that being in London was temporary, so if I had any problems, I could always count down the days I had left to go back home.
After a month and a half in London, I fell completely in love with it all–the people, the culture, the atmosphere. I’ve always been a city girl, and London stole my heart more than New York ever did. I never thought I would be thinking to myself that London was the place I wanted to spend the rest of my life in.
As my last few weeks approached, I was filled with anxiety because I had made amazing friends, I felt like I belonged, and when I left, there was going to be no certainty on when or if I’d ever go back. During my last few weeks, I met up with my friends that I had made to tell them about the anxiety I had over leaving. It was incredibly hard getting my thoughts through to them, and all I could clearly say was, “When I go back, I have a feeling everything is going to go back the way it was, and I hated the way everything was. That’s why I’ve always wanted to get away and start over again.” It took a while for all my friends to process what I was trying to get at, but they tried their best to reassure me that things would be okay.
When I finally came back to the States, I had to keep reminding myself, “Never settle for anything less.” I have that same exact feeling that my semester abroad never happened, like nothing changed, as if I my life had been paused for four months.
I plan on returning to London for graduate school right after I graduate college. Never in my life had I felt more accepted–like I actually belonged somewhere, and meant something to someone.
This piece is beautiful written….so what if the grammar may not be correct in spots, that’s not the point! As a traveler of home and the world I agree with the author as I have had the same feelings. Some times coming home is the best and I would not change it for anything! Leaving to travel is next best and I would not change that for anything! Live your life to the fullest! Just travel!!!
So true! Great post. I can’t imagine ever living in my home town again. 50 yrs was enough.
I could apply this travel bug reasoning to the Military, my Sister was in the Navy and now she talks of travel again. I travel in the United States and also tend to get travel bug, it’s not just international.
That is very pedantic of you to point out, almost ironic as this kind if overscrupulous attention to correct, rather than immerse in the story is what drives those feelings.
Ughhh SO sad and true. And the 401k part is actually NOT dramatic by any means, especially in the good ole US of A. It’s gross
So totally true that it’s put a lump in my throat. Sadly the 401k (!) is important too. It seems I want the best of both worlds…
Personally, I’ve been struggling to put this into words for quite some time now and this really hit the nail on the head, what a breath of fresh air. ‘Travel’ – It’s the language that people connect through no matter what lingo you speak you’re in the same place after the same thing, it’s not the actual location we visit that we can’t live without, it is how the people in that place make you feel apart of something special and how you’ve grown which is only apparent once returned home (for me).
I listened to a Radio 2 piece with Jeremy Vine recently where an almost retired gentleman was commenting that he didn’t understand why ‘young people’ needed to take a gap year, travel, spend their life on social media, generally appearing irresponsible for not ‘settling down’ to a ‘proper job’, a mortgage and domesticity as he saw it.
The measured response came from a 25 yr old man (Tom?) who was probably a bit older than the Millenials which were being discussed (all those born since 1994ish) – and I’m severely paraphrasing here, but I hope you get the sense….
Your generation has pushed up house prices to unachievable levels, draining the equity from the system, so that we have no hope of house ownership without a massive salary or help from our relatives.
You have created an economy where state pensions are probably not going to exist for us, whilst you retire on the Final Salary scheme which is no longer available to us, even if we could afford it.
You have exhausted our natural resources.
You have almost killed off he NHS – it is likely insurance will be the only way we can access top quality health care.
You have brought our economy to a point where we will be paying the consequences of banker bonuses & fat cat salaries for many years to come.
You enjoyed a job for life. Because of all this greed in the system, contracts are temporary, short term and even zero hours – no guarantee of work ever.
We prefer to live our life through experiences which we share with those we love, rather than working all hours to buy ‘stuff’ which doesn’t make us happy. We communicate internationally, because we can. The richness of those experiences are all we seek.
My daughter has just left for a possible 2 years in Australia. I really hope that her experiences will inform her choices as to how, when and where she works in the future. Nothing has to be for ever, because of the short term nature of contracts etc. Be more Oz is what I hope she will be. Their attitude seems to be Work to Live, rather than the UK way of flogging ourselves to bits, just to achieve promotion, status and be able to buy more ‘stuff’, which we know won’t make us happy.
I hope she will allow her travels to enrich her life back here (if she comes back). But if she wants to travel more, then I hope that she will remember that she alone is in charge of her own destiny. I will support her in every way I can (and try not to ask those daft questions when/if she does come home).
Perhaps you travellers should contribute to a Travellers Guide to Returning – warts and all. I think it would be a best seller.
Thank you for reading this and Good Luck to all you Millenials out there!
Amazing 👏🏻👏🏻
I could totally relate to this. I just couldn’t stay in one place for a long period of time, it makes me feel restless. I just need to go out and get away. I’ve spent 10 years and counting, away from home. As much as I want to go back home, to where my family are, “home” became something so foreign to me. It no longer felt like “home”, even though technically it is the place I was born and grew up in.
How true Felicia. Of course I miss my family, but each time I go back I feel more and more disconnected from my ‘home’. It’s like time has stood still there, nothing has changed. I went travelling initially in order to gain sense of perspective. Up until that point every day felt like ‘groundhog day’ and something had to change. Travelling made me even more restless as I had now gotten a glimpse of what was out there. WIthin a year of being back I’d got a job abroad and now as a freelancer I love my life. Everyday is different, every client and job is different. Flip flops and shorts are now my work clothes of choice. The last two years have been amazing. But yes, it comes at a price – ‘home’ no longer feels like ‘home’.
I could never agree more with the post. I’ve spent 10 years and counting, away from home. Due to constant travels, I always felt restless if I stay in one place for a period of time. I just have this need to get out and away from everything. For me, what’s especially hard would be the fact that everyone’s are moving on with their life, finding new friend, getting married, settling down, and then you’ve come back, change, yet no one understood and expect you to act the same, treat them the same. Home for me never felt so foreign, but every time I stood there, in the place I was born and grew up in, it never felt like home anymore.
I rarely comment on blog posts, but after reading this and all of the following comments I felt compelled to! I’m an Australian performing artist, having moved to London just over two years ago to pursue my career here as a dancer. Not only is it difficult to find yourself as a human being within the creative industries, but when you have a thirst for personal growth and travel as well, it can feel even more of a mystery! I just wanted to thank you, and everyone who commented, for simply sharing your thoughts. as they allowed me to delve into mine. Like many people, I too am trying to find my work/personal/wanderlust life balance, and this post and all the opinions found in the comments helped me question everything further. Thank you!
so what’s the solution? I cannot run away my whole life
This came across my FB and I just had to take a peak. You are bang on. I lived in South Korea for a year than backed through Asia and Europe for 10 weeks finally arriving back in my little eastern ontario town. By the time that first weekend home was over I was counting down the hours till I could get going again. Most people in my area have stayed there entire life in the “613” and just don’t know what life can be like outside of such a small area.
I love everything Canada has to offer, but if I could make it happen I would take living abroad as a ex-pat all day long.
Traveling is a mindset.
You can travel in hometown and own country.
Just stay alert and alive
Wow. Some incredibly arrogant comments here. I’ve travelled a lot, and at some point got tired of other travellers because of this lack of self awareness and idea that they’re doing some kind of life transcending thing that no-one could possibly understand. Travel isnt anything that special these days if you come from say, western europe. Also, a lot of travellers are just pretty immature and don’t have much interesting conversation. Thy know stuff they’ve seen but nothing about the world. The nonsense I’ve heard! Go into any hostel and 90% of people are talking bland crap. I especially like the hippies banging on about money being he root of all evil, while constantly giving the hard sell on their tack, or charging thousands of dollars for a yoga retreat. So you do like money?
It is so selfish to demand so much attention from people. Do you consider they might have changed in some ways too? Getting engaged, having kids, those are also huge developments in life. But because it doesn’t fit with your outlook, you dismiss what your friends have done? And it’s all me, me me, why doesn’t everyone gasp in awe at the worldly person I am?
When I am home, I enjoy my friendships being as they always were. The in-jokes, being able to instantly connect without having to go through small talk. To be honest, it gets tiring the constant travel talk, it’s nice to have friends who will tease me the same way they always did, and I can instantly be myself with. It’s a shame if you’ve lost that.
Someone said they no longer have anything in common with their friends anymore? That’s sad. It sounds like you probably decided without even trying that you couldn’t possibly get on with them anymore. Why? I imagine to justify your own perception that you are now a far more developed and insightful person. Honestly, I have friends at home I have far more interesting conversations with about politics and so on than the average traveller (who is generally woefully informed and talks in clichés)
Its like all those memes about travelling, how it’s the only thing you buy that makes you richer blah blah blah. If you come back from travelling with the arrogant belief that you are now better than everyone who doesn’t travel, and that people who haven’t travelled are making ‘bad’ choices and just don’t understand, I’m afraid travelling didn’t make you a better person, it made you a worse one. Be humble, and appreciative of friends you’ve had for life, who’ve been here for you. They just dont need to hear endless bragging and travel stories. It’s dull. Anyone demanding that much attention and ignoei their friends lices, which did carry in while you were travelling, doesn’t seem like a great friend.
I also have met ablot of travellers who like to talk about what an incredible life and soul changing experience they have had. But anyone observing their behaviour will see they’ve just got drunk and high in some pretty places. They’ve learned nothing, as is obvious from how ignorante they often are about the places they’re in. I think most travellers dont actually change that much, they just like to tell people they have. And believe it or not, people can grow without travelling. Did you bother asking them?
I say all this as someone who has actually moved permanently from my home country by the way. Buy my best friends are still there, I still love to see what they are doing, because, you know, they’re my friends, and I dont brag about my life decisions, just as they don’t brag about theirs to me.
Maybe reflect a little in what you’re asking of people. yes talk to friends about how you may have changed what you want in life. They will likely be understanding. Just not with the attitude. The reason people leave again is because real life is dull. Of course you want to be free and seeing beautiful things every day and not working. Doesn’t everyone! It’s a never ending holiday and when it ends you get post holiday blues times a million. And a big change in routine has a big effect on anyone. Just don’t assume it’s something much deeper than that. If yiu are lucky enough to have the option to leave again good for you. If not, accept that like everyone else in he world you’ll have to live a normal life, and its not unfair, and you can do it, you’re not that special.
I feel the same way. Well said Sir.
Great rebuttal to this statement! After traveling the world myself, I came to realize this exact sentiment.
Boom. I hear ya. I’ve lived overseas most of my adult life and am currently doing so. I’ve traveled plenty, I know kind of what the author is getting at, but it’s just such a millennial’s take on travel. Look at me and what I did and where I’ve been! These types complain about not being ‘understood’ but the fact is, do they ever really try that hard to understand others? And besides, do they really want to be understood? I feel they don’t. I feel that want to complain about not being understood because “not being understood” is proof that they’re sooo unique and special. It’s like a humblebrag only instead it’s a woe-is-me-brag. You know, like when a woman says she can’t find a good guy because they’re so intimidated by her (woe is me! It’s just that I’m too independent and intelligent to find a guy!) That sort of thing. So you’ve lived abroad. Big deal. I think this is the way a person feels when they actually set out to travel to make traveling a part of their persona. They wish to identify themselves as “travelers” or “well-traveled.” The question isn’t whether others can understand them, it’s do they even understand themselves?
Thanks, good to know there’s a few who feel the same way, it gets thoroughly depressing seeing all these facebook memes from people I met travelling bragging about how much more they understand than everyone else. Having met them, I can assure you they don’t, and you’re just a terrible person for putting things like that on facebook! As you say it’s the Millenials, nothing has been done unless it’s on facebook for everyone to envy and acknowledge how special you are.
I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that travelling has become so available now and a lot people are travelling a lot younger and before having zero life experience, and don’t really have the maturity to understand themselves or how the world works. So they go travelling, have an amazing time (because they have zero responsibilities and complete freedom), and then come back thinking that is a genuine lifestyle choice and they have discovered some secret truth no-one else knows. Someone said below:
‘when I came back after almost 3 years I knew that one day I had to know that I woukld be able to do this again.’
It’s this kind of psuedo philosopical nonsense that I can’t stand? Really, so you came home and decided you wanted to go abroad again some day? WOW! Like every other person who goes on holiday ever.
It’s also interesting how people only seem able to make these dscoveries by hanging around in places with warmer weather and cheaper beer, but still with people their own age from their own cultures. How much are you learning. People go on a tour to a ‘village’ and think they are integrating with the local community. It’s quite funny really. I realised some time ago that you can’t learn anything about a place travelling, you barely skim the surface. Even living somewhere for years there is so much you don’t understand, and may well never!
Anyway, these people wil lgrow up, hopefully get some self awareness, and when they realise that for most, real life isn’t optional, in 10 years they’ll probably have a 9-5 and have forgotten everything they ‘learned’ 🙂
Amen!! Expressed eloquently and resonating my thoughts about this piece precisely!!
there were a zillion comments, and I didn’t read them all before posting, but YES. You nailed it. Going somewhere so you can take pictures and show people how cool your life is out there is nothing special — for me, traveling was not necessarily for the experience, but rather for the understanding, of worlds beyond the one I grew up in.
For that reason alone is why I have yet to pursue going to South America or India or many other spots I’ve always wanted to go. I don’t want to have a week, or a month, I want to have serious time there for the sake of understanding their cultures better, learn an other worldly viewpoint beyond the one I have here, and grow as an individual with immense pickings to choose from when it comes to the life I live and lead.. People out there have much to offer, but I don’t want to see the world as a traveler, for a lack of a better word, I want to be able to integrate and intertwine with those outside who live speak and grow differently – not simply just pass by them, taking photos and sharing them for a ‘how cool is this?’ reaction from the social media world..
It aggravates me how many people talk about social media or interweb standback connection via wifi as if it’s REAL connection.. I scoffed at the cell phone ads pushed FaceTime like communications as ‘connectedness no different from being there’ .. It’s not the same, nor will it ever be., I don’t want to stand back and watch people get their hands dirty in the daily life they live, I want to be shown how it is done, and why it is done, and the problems they face, and solutions they have, and all else – so that I can at least understand it while my hands are as filthy as everyone else’s.. That is how I can grow, and that is how I hope to grow, but humility and understanding that we’re all much different is the first step in any of it.
I read this with interest as a person who has been away from my home county for 30 years. The distance of travelling isn’t the problem but how grown up you are when you get back. Traveling in great groups of travelers is a wonderful experience but isn’t real life. Those of you who have lived and worked in a different place have learned something meaningful but what does travelling for its own sake say about you? Perhaps people planning a trip should plan what they want to change before they go. Parents will treat you the same if you treat them the same. Learn to respect them and their values as you did with people that you met on your wanderings. Very interesting reading. Thanks to everyone who has posted. 😊
I took my first big trip in the late 80s, roaming mostly alone in Madagascar and surrounding islands in the Southern Indian Ocean. When I came back after almost 3 years I knew that one day I had to know that I woukld be abkle to do this again. I promised myself to take a sabbatical every 10 years…I held my promise and after a round the world trip in 2001, and a year of pursuing artistic endeavors in several countries in Europe in 2011 I am excited to plan for a new adventure in just a few years ( It’ll involve my motorcycle and art). The dream of what’s to come, if your imagination is well honed , is a beautiful way to feed your patience.
After having left London 5 years ago I am now about to move back home. I have travelled and I tried to resettle in North America. It was never going to be home. Home is always going to be home and I can’t live with it on my mind the life and memories I would be sacrificing being away forever.
Feel sad that I feel this way 5 years on… But happy at the same time that I know what would really make me happy in life and realizing who I want to grow grey with.
Great writing but the author has very little life experience and so too the people who ask silly questions about settling down,obviously that don’t have much to worry about,I say get some real worries
“We talk about the hard parts while we’re away – finding jobs, making real friends, staying safe, learning social norms, misreading people you think you can trust – but these are all parts you get through” here is your answer. Find new (additional!) friends, find a job, and stay safe – and you will get through… Home can also be an adventure, threat it like one.
It happened to me when I came back after half a year travelling in South East Asia when I was 23. Then I did the only thing I could do: make sure I find a job which would bring me back to all those places and more and I became flight attendant and did this for 30 years. Now I’m retired and moved to Thailand and don’t go back to my home country, only if I need to,
This is how I dealt with it.
Well I can so relate to this! Returned back home 3 weeks ago after roaming South America for a year. Prior to this travel I already went twice for 2 months but never before for so long. If I dont count moving to work to another country that is.
Anyway I am going through ups and downs multiple times a day, have kept in touch with my friends made which means I also kind of live those 5-7 hours behind my real time here. Terribly miss speaking in spanish all the time and the relaxed attitude of Latin America, que sera sera…
But I knew it won’t be easy, I also know that sooner or later I will be off again. Once you start to travel longterm, this isn’t just travel anymore but your new lifestyle. And they say the home is where the heart is. Well for us the globetrotters our home is everywhere we put our foot on. With creating new instant but good friendships and temporary families with people we come across. So knowing all of this, returning back to your primary home and family becomes a bit easier and ypu kind of know it that you are just on a visit. Kind of.
Nailed it! So true. I’m terrified of going back home as I know that’s exactly what I will feel!
I have to be honest and admit that when reading the wording of the OP it is hard for me not to wonder if the author is not doing the exact same thing she is accusing the homestayers of.
I get why it comes across as arrogant and self centered. I also get that the central point really is about mindset and the change of values. Ofcourse this can have an isolating effect if you let it.
That’s why I liked reading the comments to get some more nuance. To add another perspective I want to share an article I read last week. The interesting part is in the way the mindset of traveling is framed and the way they relate this to the way Tolkien worked on the Hobbit and Lord of the rings.
Check it out here: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2016/05/31/against-the-cult-of-travel-or-what-everyone-gets-wrong-about-the-hobbit/
I travel a lot and do not have any of these problems =) There is no hardest part for me. I work, I study, I travel and pay attention to the famiky and to those who you love. Balance is important sometimes you need to stop for start again.
Move On, Make choice, be blessed with al those Nice experiences and expanding of the mind and live your life the Way your free spirit wants to.
I can completely understand. I just got back a month ago and everyone is wondering when I will embrace a stable, traditional life course. Well, surprise, surprise I’m already longing to see where adventure will take me next because you’re right, travel is a lifestyle and a mindset. It is not just an extended holiday from reality that many people imagine it is.
Thanks for your thoughts on this! Great writing!
I am still abroad and havent gone home yet, so i don’t know the exact feeling yet. But i must say that i have experienced so many emotions throughout. One of them is i have realised whats truly important to me and that is love which i get mostly get from home. And being around people that understand me. And wanting to experience things with those very people. Often, new people have come and gone and then im alone again. And then im even more alone because loved ones at home don’t know half of what im going through. I always wonder if people pick this up from travelling.
The writer of this text must have some real issues haha
You wrote, that you have changed in your head, and then you write that nothing has changed because nobody at home recognizes, thus admires you for your spiritual change. If you have changed inside, then why do you complain? It sounds like you travel only to be more popular at home and get more attention from your friends at home! That’s very sad!
The correct title for this piece, instead of “the hardest part about traveling that no one talks about.” should be”the hardest thing about traveling is that no one talks about me” – I fixed that for you.
Thanks for sharing!
My solution for you is to organize and host a travel Meetup group. This way you can find others who can share similar experience, while inspiring others who are stuck at home to take the leap when they are ready.
Very well described! Not everyone close to us will truly understand what we experience during our travels and how we change as a person. We develop qualities of independence, self-responsibility and resilience, traits that a new acquaintance will more likely notice and acknowledge! Great read 🙂
Hmmm, I travel a lot. Leaving again tomorrow for who knows how long. Don’t feel as if I need to discover anything about me or anyone else. To do so defeats the purpose. Traveling has taught me one thing. I don’t know and I will never know anything about anything. When we accept this notion, growth occurs. Whether you stay home, go live in the woods. or travel the world, what matter is now. The accumulation of everything that has ever happened from the beginning of time is why we are where we are now. To think we can effect change in those circumstances is to assume the power of “fill in the blank”.
Thank you so much for this – at the end, I had to wipe the tears from my eyes, so accurately did you describe what I feel inside. I’m heading off in less than a month and I’m so excited and giddy … and I’m already dreading coming home. Thanks for putting into words what I feel inside.