This piece was not written by myself but I couldn’t have said it better. The words epitomise a strong undercurrent I have been feeling for a while. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, that yearning I still feel five months after completing my trip.
If you’ve ever traveled extensively or taken a journey into the unknown, welcome to the group of lost individuals who will never be truly understood. Read below…
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The Hardest Part of Travelling that No One Talks About by Kellie Donnelley
Off the Beaten Track 
Ive recently returned to my hometown after a decade being away. I was 16 when I left to a boarding school for skiing and now return to a world that is vastly the same, and much that is different. Many shy, more intelligent, less danger seeking individuals have now grown to stand on their own two feet, proud of their oddities and intelligence.. And many of the ones I hung around as a teen are now dead. Ultimately, few have left, but time has shifted and in turn, life has changed.
Part of what drove me to travel is the mapless existence and endless possibilities that lay beyond the town I grew up in. This allowed me to trust myself, above all else, beyond the experiences I have had along the way. This life is foreign to anyone to who has never craved a sense of uncertainty and a curiosity to risk it all to find out what may or may not lie beyond that line. In turn, I grew, it’s impossible not to.. The ones that I surround myself with now are no longer the ones that I was hoping to seek out before. My existence is different, as is theirs, it’s just not different in the same way as mine.
I suppose, while I agree with pretty much all this piece includes, one part I recently have stumbled upon that goes beyond simply ‘going to go’ is having more of a purpose to go.. More of an active pursuit, intentionally, rather than an endless one without any rhyme or reason to go.
My world around me these days is pretty small – I like it that way.. The reassurance and shininess to me lies in the ability to know that i can go if and when I choose to – and I can find my way.. Not in the ooh’s and aah’s my life has provided to others when I return home. That boundless life will provide incremental inspiration to many who I cross paths with – and while they may not seek in the same way I do, or may not have broken from this surrounding hometown, we’re all just on our own journey or travels, of sorts, whether it be in building families or finding jobs or hiking mountains, I can’t ask or provide those with a lesser than title simply because they seek security and safety in the comfort of their surroundings that they’ve always known. It’s not my choice to make for them – and I may not ever understand them – but this time returning to my hometown I’ve come to realize that there’s much to be acquired and gained during my time here. It may never be the same thing I would find on the road, but the tales of life all read with similar human emotions beyond them. Gain what you can, give what you came, and enjoy the life that will always feel a little stagnant to ones soul for what it is, then you can actively seek the next road ahead, grateful for the time spent, and lessons gained from the moments there.. Then catch the winds of your sails, or not, you never know – and enjoy the next ride beyond the hometown boundary line.
I can so relate to what you wrote! Except that I don’t agree that nothing changes while we’re away.
I said that to someone once – “nothing and nobody here has changed!” – when I was really fed up with re-entry, fed up with them not seeing who I’d become. The response I got? “Of course we’ve changed! Do you think we were all just sitting on the couch waiting until you came home to move on with our lives?” LOL 🙂
It made me realize that just because it wasn’t easy for me to see the changes at home, doesn’t mean there weren’t any. And I realized that maybe it was equally hard for everyone else to see exactly how I’d changed, since so much of it was internal and I struggled to articulate the impact being abroad had on me.
Re-entry can be tough but what a fantastic opportunity for growth. 🙂
Hi, I was also a traveller many years ago. Travelled the US and Europe and I feel blessed that I had the opportunity. Though looking back it is not something I would want my children to do at such a young age.
I would say find yourself first, know who you are then go know the world. If its the other way around you might fall for anything others say and just go with the flow…
I did leave my home town after we got married my husband and I moved to NZ and we are trully blessed. When we visit home we love being there in the moment with loved ones, being loved and giving love…
We still have contact with the very best of friends not as much as we would like, because of business of both worlds.
I want my son and daughter to see the world and they will, just not in the way everyone thinks it should be done…
To all travels be safe and enjoy and to all ex travellers enjoy your family and kids because time goes so fast. To ex travellers still trying to find their place in the real world…don’t worry too much, life has a funny way of working itself out.
God bless everyone
Ok, so this has been a fascinating read. First of all the author who made me thinK and then the responses – particularly Ali.
I feel I can comment from my personal experience. So I’m 52 and my wife 56 – from the UK. Last August we started our grey gap year. 57,000 miles, 42 flights, 22 trains and 19 countries. We both jacked in our jobs and decided to travel before it was too late in terms of energy and whilst both sets of parents were fit and well. For anybody who can’t sleep check out our blog http://www.masters20152016.com as it is a great cure for insomnia…
Starting in India and ending in Brazil we had a unforgettable time. The siGHTS were great, but the people along the way the real interest for us. We did get tired of the traveller babble. “Where have you been?” “Oh yes, I went there…” and so the conversation starts. Nothing worse than listening to a conversation between two back packers trying to out score each other by naming the places they have been to. Yawn – 72 in my case if you’re interested, which you’re NOT>
Anyway, I digress – typical old person that.
We came back three weeks ago tonight. 264 nights away. But rather than dwell in the past and “feel sorry for ourselves” we’ve thrown ourselves back in to work and in some respects it is a bit like we have never been away. Writing the blog, not only acted as a digital diary and an aid memoire, it also meant that on our return we did not have to bore people with what we did and where we had been because anybody who was half interested had followed us over the past few months. The fact is most people don’t really care and fair enough I say. It was just something we decided to do. The people we returned to – friends and family – had quite happily got on with their lives whilst we were away. Hardly a surprise.
Do I feel I want to run away again? Nope. I need to save some more money and get a job again. Have I changed? Nope. Still the same pain in the backside I was nine months ago. Have they changed? Nope – and there’s nothing wrong with that. Am I a better person now than when I went? Nope, except I have an appreciation for what I have – food, a bed and people that care.
I’m glad I did not travel as teenager/early 20+ year old because I think having some life experience puts a lot of travel and the World in to perspective and makes you grateful for what you have.
Questions about the fact that I’m a lucky so and so for having the money to do it does however really pxxx me off! I saved. I have never had a loan. I did not spend my hard earned money down the boozer. I don’t smoke, have an expensive house or life style. It’s all about choices and I am of firm opinion that if you plan and are careful, travelling RTW is possible without spending hundreds of thousands of £’s.
Now you’ve got me going off at a tangent.
In summary, I don’t know if I’m speaking your language… feel free to tell me to get lost. Or is that where all this started? MARK
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No it’s complete garbage. Why can’t you all just appreciate the fact you’ve travelled the world and be happy with it. Even more so, If it feels that bad why don’t you all do us all a favour and go travelling again. This is just attention seeking and it is a perfect example of our generation today. Exploring how everything makes you feel, all your doing is putting a negative into a fantastic opportunity to see the world. I would have thought with all that “finding yourself” stuff you wouldn’t feel compelled to act like you have PTSD from travelling.
Agreed.
AMEN
Not sure where to start with the response. It is a fairly accurate take on how some people feel. I felt those things and it was nice to read someone else’s thoughts on it. There is nothing wrong with somebody expressing themselves. This wasn’t a negative really, just thoughts about how it affects us.
I do understand that there is more to relish of course and that will come.
May I ask why you chose to be fairly rude? What were your thoughts when you first started and your first trip home? (I am assuming you did travel or you might not have taken the time to reply).
I am completing my one year USA trip in next two weeks…. each word of this post is true. Although it not at all negative but people who have not traveled enough will always see this as a negative piece. because traveling “…is like learning a foreign language that no one around you speaks so there is no way to communicate to them how you really feel.” and everyone does not understand that language…
Your response is bang on! Many people have seen little of the world, and probably won’t ever get the chance to travel with freedom given financial commitments, health reasons, family obligations etc. The author should be grateful for their experiences and get a real problem.
Just because it doesn’t seem like a problem to you doesn’t mean it’s not a problem in someone else’s life. There are always bigger problems than your own. There’s nothing wrong with expressing negative feelings as it can help us deal with our problems. Also, the author is clearly grateful for the experience, which is why they want to go travelling again.
Hmm, nice, John. That was written like someone who has a nice, neat, simple life to return to in the U.S. (or am I wrong… again? Of course… people like us are always the “wrong” ones in the U.S.) — perhaps the reason many of us don’t want to go back is because no matter how hard we try, we will never live up to the expectations of arrogant people who have never felt out of place in their home country… I still remember one of the days that my coworker, an Indian American (from India, yes) who said all her life she never felt as accepted and respected (in a positive way) than she did in the country where we were both teaching. Going back to a place where one experienced a lifetime of “not fitting in” after finding a niche abroad is tough. Some of us still haven’t gone back, and would only do so because it because necessary for others in our lives…. to be there for them. Doesn’t make going back easier on us though.
I think the author is very grateful for their experiences, and would probably say that their travels were the best part of their life. I guess your response and the initial response above are more of what she was talking about in her blog. People tend to be reductive about others’ life experiences, whether with the military, with the church, with school, here or abroad. We could all do with less of that.
“People like us” stop thinking your in some kind of righteous individual bracket. You’ve had a jolly around the world. Why act like there’s some kind of hardship that comes with travelling. It’s your choice to do it. It’s like your all trying to convince your selfs it was worth it or something, or isit because you travelled to the other side of the world to sit in a bar that exactly the same as at home. No one cares either way.
If you have travelled you will understand the sense of not belonging properly upon your return. I get homesick for other parts of the world and I don’t feel like I completely belong in my home country. I have changed my perspective on what makes a happy way of life and I don’t find that in my country, where promotions, suburbia and keeping up with the joneses is a priority. You cannot say that being abroad long term / venturing to countries which causes complete culture shock does not change your perspective or encourage maturity upon return to a mundane existence.
Haha, this generation, today? The bug has affected people for way longer than you might think, explorers explored and the world is better for it. Thank goodness everybody isn’t a curmudgeon, if people like you don’t understand the prose, then it’s people like you that need to see more of the world. And attention seeking on an obscure blog or whatever this is? That’s rich.
bit harsh that mate..there is truth in it, if not a little melodramatic..I think what the author is trying to say is that they simply miss travelling.. same goes after any life changing experience right?
I’ll definitely agree with you on the attention seeking part. In the author’s defense though, I don’t think she’s desperate to tell everyone how she changed (going out on a limb, because it’s the exact opposite of what she wrote…) but just trying to express the disappointment of returning back to a place where nothing much has changed.
Can’t bring myself to call it garbage, since I can empathize with the urge to return abroad, but the author could definitely remove all the pretentious parts about dying to tell everyone how worldly she is now.
obviously you have never experienced real traveling, and made a new country your home, it’s expensive to just “go traveling” again… you would feel the same way if you actually got the same type of experience that I had hijuaputa 🙂 maybe you should travel a bit more, then you MIGHT understand.
When you travel the world for something other than leisure all you want to do is find a way to support and help everyone you’ve come in contact with. This isn’t possible. As a person you grow and change your views so much, and you can only wish that others could see the type of things that you saw. It is so much more than just bickering about not being happy enough. It is so much more than being negative about the world we live in. It’s the way of life that the people less fortunate than you and me live, yet still are so content and happy. Coming back to see how much we have, yet someone in our home country still complaining about not having enough. It says a lot that this is coming from a person hiding behind an anonymous name to make fun of someone for sharing her thoughts that you cannot relate with. Please do not have such a closed mind to not accept someone else’s thoughts.
Jay, seriously, you are possibly the worst kind of traveller. The great saviour, selfessly at the ready to leap into actuon and help ‘everyone’ you come into contact with. Believe me, people abroad really, really don’t all want or need your help. Try to learn from other cultures, not change/save them. It’s so patronising, and if you’ll forgive me, ignorant. Give it a few years and you’ll see, hopefully.
Agreed! The true dilemma of travel is this: Why can’t you have that same feeling of travel when you return home. A visitor to your home town can acquire the same feeling you had in Asia or Europe, yet you have restricted yourself, thinking your adventures lie elsewhere. A true wander is always home, no matter where they go.
Dude, seriously? Read it again! It’s not about this being the biggest problem in the world or anything, it’s just it being (pretty much) the ONLY bad thing about traveling and if you know this beforehand it’s easier to adjust to! Don’t be a prick just because you don’t share the experience/feelings/opinions…
Hey Do One, keeping negative thoughts to yourself is something YOU could learn in a foreign land. Just saying
How dare you imply that being privileged enough to travel is anything but a soulwrenching curse! :))
I don’t see a connection here. Haven’t traveled a mile for ages, and I still feel not really at home and people don’t see how much I’ve changed these past years… Lol who cares man be happy with your journey, everybody can go through this shit, it’s not bound to people who travel.
Appreciate
Obviously you haven’t traveled out of your known comfort zone. Travel changes everything because you have your eyes opens to experiences both good and bad that alter the way you react to things. Before I left home it was a big deal when a mate broke his hip and had to get on the dole to scrape through providing for his family. Then I went to Cambodia and saw the devastating effects of the Khmer Rouge and parents left without legs thanks to land minds planted by both sides. And I think how lucky my mate had it being born in Oz when things like the dole is available. And it shocks me big that this happened but also that before I traveled to the area and had these experiences thrust upon me, I was as ignorant as you. It makes me wonder about how much is out there that I don’t know, that is so accessible, that the world is so large no matter how hard I try I will never see it or experience it or be a part of it all and I want to encourage those I love, grew up and meet in cafes everyday to try a little bit more of the world than your own zip code. I don’t think me going traveling again is ever going to be a favour ‘for us all’ because I will just come back again with even more to say and even more confidence to say it louder and more often.
Here here!
Yeah can’t the author stand on their own two feet without empathy? Why not provide the space for others, your loved ones (or more like the ones who love you) to see your perspective and challenge them to see through themselves, instead of having to find others in self imposed exile? And that’s a question
This is 100% accurate! Even made my eyes a little watery :’) I probably wouldn’t have felt the same 2yrs ago, however after travelling Europe mostly on my own for nearly 5 months last yr, I can completely relate to this article word for word.
I understand how some people might disagree to this article & that may be because their particular way of travelling is different to the way this author has experienced it.
We all appreciate things differently in this world and it’s refreshing to come across people who appreciate & value the same things as you do. Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s the key to making a connection with people and that’s what makes the experience of travelling around the world so much more special..especially for the solo travellers.
Have you ever left to a far away land where everything seems alien to you?
Love the negativity! Every part of it are feelings I have after living overseas for 5 years. Maybe you can do yourself a favor and break out of your bubble and not comment negatively. Peace! 💋
Do One,
I disagree completely with you, as I found this piece thoughtful, self-searching, and not in any way attention seeking. Thanks, Kellie.
That’s a harsh comment. It is actually studied and proven that depression can strike after a long travel. More than one person out of 2 is affected by it. It has nothing to do with the generation or seeking attention!! It’s psychology. You can google it…
It’s so easy to judge…
Those reacting negatively have obviously never travelled, and by travel I mean living and conforming to a new culture for an amount of time rather than a short vacation. Calling the author “attention seeking” and “ungrateful” is your way of showing jealousy. Is everything and anything written about someones’ experiences or emotions for “attention seeking” purposes? No.
As someone who has lived in a foreign country for a year, experienced culture shock, and returned as a changed person, I have experienced all these emotions. It is close-minded, rude individuals like yourself who have not experienced these circumstances; thus, should have no right to these impudent responses.
You do not have to be wealthy to travel. You need to have the determination and braveness to just get up and make it happen. So, Mr. “Do One”, do US all a favor. Go travel, come to understanding with new cultures, live differently. Then you shall come home a more worldly, patient, considerate, and compassionate individual.
Agree with you. I used to live a long time abroad, then came back to live in my native country, ok that was not easy but (where is easy exactly?) so I get used to it, learnt to get involved in new social circles, remake friends and create new experiences.
This need to travel all life long with no stop ever is a kind of illness to me, it is like creating agitation all time long without being able to sit and appreciate what you have at your home and around your native place.
We are not all nomads, sedentary people have exciting life too
I think that the Author was absolutely Spot on but instead of people taking a negative view and even a Sarcastic edge we need to just be able to read at times and not feel that criticism is what’s needed. The Author is merely offering an insight into what it’s like. The Author sounds candid but not spoilt but let’s be honest once we all experience something that helps us grow we all miss that feeling,the freedom to just be us, that opportunity to feel like your freedom is a nourishing thing.I am a practical thinker and yes there is a time to get down to things and move on with life but you know life can be drudgery and slow and painfully and we’re not here very long. Let’s not criticise some of the most natural emotions when someone dares to impart their feelings…
No I feel the same and all I did was move away from home. You have obviously never traveled or moved away from home. No reason to be rude
DO ONE-
What a total farce contained in a response indicating that you couldn’t even grasp the basic premise of the article. I feel much the same after traveling as the author, except that upon coming home, I loathe the attitude of indignation that most Americans posses, again, further exemplified in your reaponse. The thing that fulfills me the most is traveling. Not a nice car, or house, or a squad of snot-nosed kids, or anything else for that matter. People like the author and myself ARE happy to be able to travel and see the world. All that was being said is that when you come from that kind of experience, it’s sometimes hard to relate to people that have never even left their home town (or state) because they made the choice to shackle themselves to a life that half of them will dispose of in future years anyway.
My first thought was, yes this is a 1st world problem. I have lived in the “real” world for 15 years since I did any significant travelling and the bug will have to wait whilst kids are raised and the mortgage paid. Having said that this is s life experience any traveller goes through – sometimes even after a relatively short break somewhere that touches your soul. I cannot deny that I have felt it, and that’s not to whinge but to explain that the bug is always there. Perhaps I will be lucky enough to get back in the road at some point but in the meantime I’ll enjoy mini adventures and teaching my children the joy of travel.
This coming from someone who probably hasn’t travelled. I’m not talking about a week in Spain. If you had really been travelling you would know exactly what this person is talking about. What is attention seeking about this?
Some people stay in one place their whole life and never experience anything different and therefore are completely satisfied and content with what they have. Others go out and explore and see more than they could ever have imagined and now realise that staying in one place and following the path everyone else does just isn’t for them.
Save up and go for it again!
Yea.. coming home is different, but if the reason you feel lost is because you lose hollywood status, you’re doing it wrong.
You’re just proving Kellie’s point. It’s not about attention seeking or “post traveling PTSD.” It’s about perspective. Traveling and being in new places, experiencing new cultures, meeting people who have an entirely different sense of place and self and the world. THAT is a life lesson that no one can ever get in school. It is invaluable and it can only come from experiencing the unfamiliar. By stepping out of our comfort zones with an open mind and an open heart. So you misunderstood. The traumatic part isn’t “poor me, I’m not traveling any more,” it’s coming back to a place where few have gained that same perspective that you’ve come to see with clearer and clearer eyes. And thus, what is important to those people and what they push you to prioritize in your life is much different from what you now understand to be truly important. Material things, owning a house, staying in the same job your entire life – these are all “important” and signs of “success” by Western standards. There’s nothing wrong with doing those things, but living for these things is not LIVING. Why do you think most people end up having a mid-life crisis? Because in order to live up to these outside expectations, they’ve suppressed their own human instinct (we’ve pushed them into the category dreams), they’ve told themselves that travel and being worldly is only for other somehow more special people, not them. They’re not worthy. Success in western society means we graduate from school, work a 40+ hour a week job until we’re almost dead, we work for the 2 weeks of vacation we get a year, we save up for retirement so that when we’re finally too old and stiff and tired to work anymore, we can look forward to living out the rest of our lives trying to do the things we should have done when we were younger. For every 40 years of work, most people get about 20 months of vacation, that’s less than two years of time for yourself in 40 years of doing things for other people. That is insane.I’m not saying “be a deadbeat.” Work and support yourself, yes. Don’t mooch off of others, of course. But there’s a range in between deadbeat and being overworked and overstressed about things that do not matter and will not matter when someday we’re on our death bed. If I’m lucky enough to live to an old age, I know that I will not look back on my life and think “thank GOD I sat at that office desk for 40 years so that I could pay a bank for a house I only just recently came to actually own.” I want to look back and think, “hell yes. I saw the world. I didn’t have a lot, but I realized I didn’t need a lot. I found what was really important in life and I lived for that.”
Exactly how I felt after reading this. I’m not the same person I was but it’s life experiences I’ll have forever!
It’s not about coming back and being “Hollywood ” to my friends. Are you a traveler or a tourist ’cause there is a difference! It’s called wanderlust.
it seems like you haven’t learned anything on your travel, do one. if you had you would be a bit more tolerant towards people who are and think not exactly like you. on a long travel you see that people in the world are different, and that’s a beautiful thing.
everything’s got good sides and drawbacks, even travelling is not only great all the time. coming home after such a long exciting time is hard indeed for most people (I wonder what happened in your travel that you didn’t experience this). life is about feeling all the different emotions there are, and I think it’s great to explore the different feelings about such an important topic. so do me a favour and be a bit more sensitive and compassionate the next time before you tell other people off. after all it’s YOU who brings in negativity here. you invest 5 min of your time to make someone feel bad. why don’t you take that time to make someone’s day better?
I have to agree. I was alarmed when the author wanted to scream about how much she’d changed, and why couldn’t people see it? Well because, they don’t know what to expect, how to measure that, maybe they’re envious of your travels and don’t want to hear about it. Either way, a very self-focused mindset. It is a hard lesson to learn when people move on from you when you’re out of the picture, because – shocker – you’re not the center of everyone’s world. Embrace your new friends that you met on the road, find a new adventure and appreciate the few people back home that don’t want to just talk to you when you’re ‘Hollywood.’ Another strange thing to say. I thought it was just called growing up.
I love this piece! I’m not sure why it’s getting such a reaction!
I really wanted to thank you for posting this!
My first time traveling was not very long and I was only 17 years old. My entire trip I felt so blessed that I could save up for my travels and just enjoy the time I had.
But than I came home and nothing changed and I felt stupid for thinking that if I changed, my entire family would react different to me. But the thing is, I did change, but nobody could see that.
I really loved what Kelly wrote. I don’t think that anybody who ever traveled alone (it doesn’t need to be for a very long time ) could think bad about this post, because it is so relatable.
Again, thank you for giving words to my feelings!
Amen 🙌🏽
I think you are missing the point, completely. I didn’t get anything negative or pity party. New experiences generally change us as humans, some are affected more deeply than others. That is part of the reason why some of us travel, in order to get a different perspective on our lives and who we are and what our place is in the world. Courage is something you have or not and using that courage to stretch yourself beyond what even you think you are capable of. One of my favorite sayings is” if you can’t run with the BIG DOGS- keep your ass on the porch “. I have an amazing daughter that has taken my love for travel to incredible heights and I don’t think she is done yet. Understand who you are and why/what are you searching for. , then all of it will make perfect sense.
I’ve read a number of replies here: groaning a bit, nodding a lot, and scratching my head occasionally, reminded of how there are nearly as many ways to travel as there are travelers. The bulk of my time was in the 70’s when extreme travel was about how close you could get to the local culture; how much risk and privation you could tolerate to go all-native, so as to sample what life is like absent a lot of our conditioned western views and values. Isn’t that one of the allures of travel? To sample what other ways of living feel like? It should be no wonder then that coming off such a voyage of exploration would stir a sense of alienation.
I have come back from significant trips 3 times now: after a year off from university at 20; after 4 years at 29; and finally, after a year following a round the world trip with my family at 51. My children were 8, 10 and 13 at the time and my wife and I often wonder about the effects of that year on their development. This topic is clearly, highly provocative, suggesting that there are likely as many ways to come off a long trip as there are ways of traveling.
And yet, among all that variability there is a constant: Exposure. The senses store all these images, sounds, tastes, smells, and feelings whether we are paying attention or not. How they bind to our character and manifest through our personality can only become more evident in time.
I left for 30 some odd years, initially coming home, then leaving again. Did that a few more times until I left for good for a while.
I traveled a lot, lived in some interesting places, had some wild experiences… And learned, grew and evolved – thank gawd. Be a shame if I didn’t in this lifetime.
I found that those at home had me pigeon-holed into what everyone told me I was as growing up, expectations heaped upon me. And if was hard for me to get out from underneath all that while still at home. I had to go out and find myself for myself. Experimenting with this and that to see what I truly enjoyed. (I’m still doing it, btw)
And now I’m back home again. One parent gone, the other with her spouse. Fortunately I don’t live with them because that would not be good. Objectivity is definitely required.
My point is, get out there and find yourself. Your real self. All the rest will fall into place. You’ll find those that speak your language as you’re learning what yours is – in its ever changing glory.
Enjoy!
I completely agree with the article.. the others who responded negatively about it probably never done the same thing or have kids etc.. they just dont understand..
You’re just proving the point of those who don’t agree with the article. Most of those posting in disagreement h\ve travelled. I have done two round the world trips, and lived in full time employment Fiji, Rwanda, and now Colombia. I don’t have kids. but I fundamentally don’t see this as something that is so hard. Because the author is essentially saying, oh it’s so hard that everyone doesn’t give me all this attention and notice how much more worldly I am. Firstly, if you genuinely have matured and gained so much knowledge, people will notice it. At least those close to you. If they don’t, it’s because you haven’t changed as much as you think. Sorry, but that’s how it is.
I have met exactly these travellers who talk about how much they’ve changed and grown, but when you talk to them you realise they are still incredibly immature, and are basiclly repeating some cliches that they heard before they travelled, and were esperate to live up to. Rather than taking the experience for what it is, they go in determined that they are going to change and understand the world so much better. And then see everything through that prism.
This is exactly the issue, this whole ‘oh other people just can’t/don’t uinderstand, poor us, it’s so hard, no-one understands the difficulty of coming back. If you bothered to read the posts you’d see that other who’ve traevlled see things differently to you. It’s not because they don’t understand, it’s because they’ve travelled, experienced coming home and are sceptical, They generally seem to be people who are slightly older, have more life experience, and therefore know that actually, you can grow and develop through many other experiences, not just travelling, and that, coming back from travelling, in the big scheme of things really isn’t that hard. But you appear to be so self absorbed and determined to be special, that you don’t even see anything that doesn’t align with your view.
I also see a lot of travellers who will tell everyone about all the amazing cultures they experienced and the impact it had on them, but the reality is, if you’re just moving from one hostel to another every few days, you know nothing about a culture. Nothing. To do so you have to live something, work there, integrate, and it still takes a very long time. The classid cliche is ‘oh my god the people there have nothing but they’re still so happy, and it changed my attitude to everything and I realsied how lucky we are in the west but we still complain’. It is so much more complex that that. People go to Fiji and come back raving about how warm and friendly people are even though they have nothing. If you live there you know over 50% of women suffer domestic violence.
If you come back with a positive outlook and glad to see your friends and family, to engage with what they’ve done while you were away, yiu’ll be a lot happier. Your friends are living as well while you’re away, not in some kind of hibernation desperately waiting for you to come back! Maybe they have had big changes, decided they want different things in life. This happens to people at home too. Ask them! Don’t assume everything is the same just because it loks the same. By the way, if you live in a town in say Thailand, or Peru, and leave for a year and come back, guess what, it’ll look like nothing’s changed. People’s lives are far more routine in these places you find so exciting. They just don’t have the luxury of moving to a new place every 4 days when you’re bored. I also
I do appreciate you can go away and decide you would rather live in another place for any of a huge number of reasons, you like the people, the weather, you find something you’re passionate about and would like to work in. But that doesn’t mean you’ve made some huge discovery no-one else can possibly understand. It means you’ve found a possible new path that can make you happy, anyone can understand that. My friends have always been very understanding, but then that’s because I don’t go in with this superiority complex and decide they wont be able to underdstand me before I even try. They are happy for me that I’m happy, and I make sure I keep up to date with how they’re doing while I’m away. One is getting married, one having a baby, that’s far bigger and more interesting that anything I’m doing here! One has depression so obviously has a lot going on, you can’t just assume your friends lives stop while you’re away. They may be going through a lot too.
there are many advantages to singleness but one of the downsides of traveling alone is there is no one who has shared the experience, the memories and yes, the change with you on ongoing basis and so that can be an isolating feeling. Journaling, taking pictures and actual making changes in how you live and think can help capture those new perspectives.
I feel like alot of people can relate to this experience and usually when things at home slip back into a routine so rather than put energy into a negative outlook on the whole travelling experience it is so.important to use the knowledge u learned and put it back into day to day life whether at home or not u can still travel around ur home country meet new people and share amazing times, leap at opportunities !! and if u have already done that maybe considering moving countries thats what i have done !
I don’t think the author is talking about a problem… And I don’t think that she or he is complaining about traveling. Just a point of view about how a fantastic experience as is going back home could make you feel something that people don’t speak about and just don’t know if others feel the same. Although, a part of of us know that going back home is not that easy!!
I actually totally understand the writer. My case however, was studying abroad and then coming back home after almost a year. Reverse culture shock is cruel because no one understands the feeling unless they’re going through it or have gone through it already. Luckily my university takes measures to try and counter reverse culture shock.
It’s called re-entry into the real world. Grow up. Be grateful for your fantastic experience and stop being a victim who thinks they are unique.
A long time ago I traveled abroad for just six weeks. It changed me, my appreciation for other counrties, people, cultures and my own great country, the USA. I agree, I couldn’t possibly have shared it all at that time because if you hadn’t been there/done that you wouldn’t get it. However, I was a different person when I returned, and I have displayed that new person ever since. And being that new, enlightened person is how I have shared my experience with everyone I know and have met.
It sounds like the author is a fairly young person, maybe recently out of college. If so, take it from someone with your crystal ball. You will be sharing your current and future travel (and all other) experiences with everyone you come into contact with because of who you have become, who you are now. And they will learn of, and appreciate, all of your experience as they get to know you. Travel on!
Yeah I have to agree this is pretty surprising and ridiculous. When I travel I just feel grateful. Grateful for the experience and grateful for everything I have back home. Having people not understand you is nothing unique to travel and shouldn’t be treated as so. If you want people to understand the way you have changed try talking to them. Everyone changes every day. Including the people you left behind at home. Did you ask them how they changed or just self-centeredly think about why they weren’t more interested in the way you changed? Many people in the countries you visit could save their whole lives and never have enough money to visit another overseas country. The fact that you’re complaining about part of the experience just shows that you have a lot more growth to do that your traveling unfortunately hasn’t given you. We should look internally at why we aren’t happy and not jump to blame other people.
This is why I moved abroad permanently. You’ll always be the foreigner in your new town and even when you seem to get used to your new environment, there will be little moments that keep reminding you that you are not at home and that there is much left to explore. Also, when you visit your old home, you’ll be able to visit friends and family and get much more out of every meeting, every hour spent together. The only downside is missing the food you grow up with. But that’s all.
Totally relate with the author. Dont know why some find it arrogant, there is just a readjustment necessary. The phenomenon is called reverse cultural shock and its documented: you’ve got used to another reality and now you need to adapt once again. What your friends and family members dont realise, and you could never blame them for it (because you’re doing the same for them) is to send you a fossil image of yourself, they simply know you as the person that you were when you left. You did change more than they did because your brain was exposed to constant challenges and you grew more elastic. People who love you will be patient, and you should be too. Words usually are not that useful i find. Thank god there are people who stay home, any ship needs a safe and cosy harbour.
Although i hit the big 50 soon I havent really travelled except a fair few normal holidays but I absolutely get this story. It makes a lot of sense. Just because you’re in lovely exotic places doesn’t mean your head isn’t all over the place. The thought of going home to normality must be exciting to see most people!! But also scary.but those who really love you want you to be happy whever and however far away it is.
I think you’re being slightly harsh. I dont think she’s being ungrateful or overly negative. Its clear she lived a very real and enriching experience while away. But its not always easy going against the grain. I can understand the authors sense of confusion and feeling isolated after being away for a long period..
I’ve been on the move for over a decade. When you come back everyone seems to have moved on with their lives in terms of jobs, buying house, getting marriage, having kids and moving forward with a real sense of purpose. They find it hard to relate to you anymore coz they have moved in a completely different direction..The traveler mightnt have made much progress in this realm choosing to focus more on having had deep personal experiences leading to new understandings of themselves and their relationship with the world they live in. These successes are real but not being visible they are hard to verbalize. Sometimes you think it would just have been easier to do what everyone else did.and just knuckle down and fight your way to earning a status that people can more readily understand.
Actually, one of the most annoying things about traveling often, is people acting surprised when they see me in the summer, in spite of the fact that I’ve been out of the country and away from home every winter for 40 years. ” are you still here ” ? ” I thought you’d be gone ” .
I often wonder what they are really meaning !
I thought this was a really well-written blog post that was incredibly endearing. I don’t think the author is saying “woe is me, pity my life.” She’s merely expressing how difficult it is to communicate what you learn & how it changes you when you return to people who are still caught up in the rat race. I left the south (Oklahoma & Austin) to travel SE Asia for several months, only to return to what was a semblance of a life I once knew in California. People are disingenuous, care little for helping other people, and racism runs rampant here in the states. I was always the minority abroad (I’m a skinny white guy), yet I couldn’t have felt more comfortable surrounded by these complete strangers. Whereas I see and feel racial tensions in my everyday life, as well as on Facebook. If you don’t understand what it is the author is saying, that doesn’t mean you have to bash her or act like she’s lashing out for attention. This is a blog post, which you chose to read. Not a suicide note that someone got to too late.
Thank you Dave , well said.
Well written. I know many people who migrated who feel this way. Yes we chose to travel or moved for job etc but it is really hard going back home again. I do like going back home but I also know I have outgrown my home town. It is a small place . Most people know each other and they are very narrow minded. So different then where I live right now. Don’t listen to the haters. They are probably jealous.
You have a perfect experience and observation of your life. What life teaches us and what we learn from life?! Only thing we loose that is our age. Time flies and we get an old. A day shall come we will look back to our pictures and we will always remember stories and friends. Who knows when and where we will meet again?!
With something I agree – wanting to leave again… But have to say that after being home for more than half a year now I’m getting used to my life back home… but still I wanna leave..or I still have the urge to leave. I don’t know why. I can’t explain… I guess one place feels more like home to me now after living there for some time… But don’t know if I will ever leave…but I definitely have to keep traveling (said while abroad again)
It is surely one of the pieces I have read lately.
Not so much because it has to say, but rather because of the feelings it invoked so many others into replying. It hit a nerve many of us identified with instantly.
Yet, I must be honest; I do not agree with the author.
My reply comes only from where I stand. Others are of course free to feel differently about this article. let me know how you feel here or on my blog:
https://searchingforelsewhere.com/2016/06/09/the-other-part-of-travelling-a-traveller-wont-tell-you-about/
Okay here is the version the sober NavidSamedi typed up:
This piece is surely one of the best pieces I have lately read.
Not so much because of what it had to say, but rather because of the feelings it must have stirred in so many of us it forced us into replying. It hit a nerve in many of us, one we identified with instantly.
Yet, I must be honest; I do not agree with the author.
My reply of course only comes from where I stand. Others are of course free to feel differently about this article. let me know how you feel here or on my blog:
This is the most elitist commentary on the blessing of wanderlust and honest travel I have ever read. If being home is only worth it while you are the shiny object and then it ‘fades’ once everyone knows your stories, yet you continue to feel misunderstood because of your judgment on anyone who lives at ‘home’ as a life interpretation of lesser value…well, your kind of travel is of the narcissistic and self absorbed variety. Perspective is everything. Chose your thoughts and your feelings. You are not a victim because you make choices in life that you believe to brave, but when people around you who you trust, stop defining you by them, you run away to try and start the cycle again. Grow a plant, spend a day with someone who is blind, write your greatest daily pain in sand or dirt at the edge of water and sit there, with no distraction, as the water washes it away. Do those things in any country you wish. It will mean the same exact thing in Oslo that it does in Osaka.
I was in the military and we traveled to at least 6 different countries, we saw the good and the bad and personally I feel like I’ve grown a lot since day one, yet I was still eager to get out and return home to my friends and family only to find out that the picture they painted wasn’t what I had expected. Everyone was still doing the same things, and they still had the same mentality. Of corse I want to go back to the military, and I plan on it very soon, no disrespect but that is not at all related to PTSD.
I think that the sentiment about having changed so much by travel which is expressed here rings a bell with anyone who has done a lot of travelling. It’s the parts about screaming for other people to want to notice this and to be consistently perceived as new and interesting that grates. I totally get the stuff about change. And being labelled. I was away travelling and working 6-11 months of the year for 10 years, even though home called out to me and I missed my family, my friends and my country. But, after a few weeks I’d want to be off again. It was like an addiction to be moving and also I couldn’t stand the (what seemed to me for a long time and it sounds dramatic, but I really had to fight hard against it for a long time in order to be able to stay) crushing boredom of a day to day existence. I wanted to be in new places, seeing new things, meeting new people, being free of routine. When I came home it was always “ha ha ha where she’s off to now?” “When are you going to finally meet a nice man your travels and settle down?” So no, people didn’t understand me either and every trip changed me in some ways. But I liked this! And I expected it! If people were so interested in my travels, I always thought that they’d be off travelling themselves! I enjoyed being a novelty for a few days, telling wild stories, but then I was quite happy to be alone with my thoughts. What the author needs to understand is one of the greatest gifts travel brings (aside from all the new experiences, self reliance etc etc) is introspection. Travel quiets your mind and you learn to be still and to think. Just look around at all the books and websites and people spouting off about mindfulness. Travel teaches you this for free, This, for me, is the thing above all I value from having been a traveller. I feel like the author has yet to learn this.
you speak from the heart- it’s exactly what it feels like. Even after many years traveling.
I’ve been travelling all over the world since I’ve been 17 and I havnt just taken a trip to Thailand to experience a night club on phi phi. literally get a grip. You all should just appreciate the fact you’ve had the privilege to travel. I just had a glass of man the f*ck up and did it and I defiantly didn’t act like there was a massive negative when I came home. Grow up.
People won’t know that you’ve changed unless you share, show or make something better from that change. Sitting around, after the attention that you’ve come back has faded, doing nothing will only cause you to slip into a deep morass that you will struggle to get out of. Well, buying a plane ticket will do it, but you’ll only end up back in the same place again.
You need to get off your butt and do something with the changed you. Knowing you’ve changed, or even being changed, means nothing if you do nothing with it.
I would like to know since when attention seeking is a bad thing? We dont pay enough attention to each other. We all deserve to get attention and give attention. Im sure the author would be equally interested in hearing about someone elses experiences travelling so why shouldnt they be heard talking about the greatest part of their lives? The part that they feels define them? We accept all other sorts of beleifs and lifestyles and dont judge so why judge a group of people who feel a need to travel or “seek attention”?
The author is simply explaining their initial thoughts on returning home after traveling. I didn’t get the whole “looking for attention” crap. Yes it is hard to explain what our bodies and minds just went through to those who not only haven’t traveled but also have no desire to travel. I never thought of traveling as finding oneself. It’s more finding what else lives and thrives beyond your city, your state/province, your country. I traveled for 2 full years and have been back home now for 5. I don’t think about my travel days everyday, but pictures/music/random thoughts always bring me back to those times where life slowed down a bit. The “grow up” remark from the first comment grinds my gears. What are you going to do with your life is an awful question to ask someone at 18,22, hell even 28! Stop putting these requirements on individuals to get a job, get married, raise kids! Work work work! We don’t HAVE to do anything, and we don’t HAVE to please anyone. Don’t grow up. Life is short. There’s now close to 8 billion of us. Calm down. Find what you want to do/be for a living and be the best! Let everyone have their own experiences in life. I own and a run a successful business because I chose what I wanted to do for a living, not because someone told me to. And yes if I can get away for a few weeks, hell a few months, you know damn well I’ll be traveling (not vacationing) again.
This is one of those woe-brags, as in, “woe is me because (insert some comment about myself or others that makes me look unique or awesome). People who complain they’re “not understood” are often quite glad they’re not understood. Actually, it bothers them to think that others have them pretty well pegged. But if one can believe one is not understood, then one can believe that they are not understood because they are special, unique, unlike the others. “Oh, people just don’t get me because I’m soooo different from everyone else. It’s so tough to be a unicorn!”
That is why I never ever go home again, I have no home anymore.The world is my playground.
Exactly!
Something I’ve found from returning home is that at first people want to hear about your trip, but they don’t want to know about it. Was it good or bad? is generally the extent of their interest. But heaven forbid you tell stories about your travel, because then you seem to be going on about it or bragging about an opportunity.
Nope, I wasn’t funded by rich family, I didn’t win the lottery, I worked my ass off and saved! I didn’t live at home with my parents or have their support, I did it on my own, and for myself. If that’s something you’re jealous of, choose to priorities your travel and genuinely save for it. It was the best time of my life and I’m so happy I chose to take that path!
I don’t mean to be rude but … Recently I prefer to read a book because when I travel I only meet egocentric, unrealistic people who travel to escape reality and not for the joy of the unknown and the different. I am happy walking down the beach these days 🙂
Sounds to me like the author just needs better friends. I mean I’ve travelled plenty. And my favourite part about coming home is just kicking back with the boys and getting up to our usual shenanigans.
She mentions the first while is amazing while you feel like hollywood. For me that parts the worst. Sure I like sharing my experiences. But why would you want your friends treating you differently than they did before. It seems like she enjoys being the center of attention and once that goes away its not fun anymore.
it all makes sense, and still, this is like 2 or 3 levels above “1st world problems”
Guys I don’t think the point of the article was to show off, or that it was attention seeking at all. I have just got back home from a 20 day trip across 3 countries I’ve never been to before, and honestly I praise this article for existing.
It’s not about seeking admiration, but about wanting to share the golden experience and gained knowledge from the trip, while you’re still so hyped and alive about it all, having waited to get back and share, while everyone at home doesn’t realise it, meaning they will only superficially hear what you have to say about it.
It doesn’t matter whether you visited your neibouring state/country, or whether you went all the way to Mars; An experience is an experience, and if you come back home dying to tell your family and friends about it, that’s reason enough for them to hear you. They want the same when they return from such a trip as well, and that’s because sharing experiences is about growth and development.
(imagine if none of us ever shared thoughts and ideas, the world would never evolve)
Interestingly this is also to a certain degree how alot of military veterans who have served overseas feel when they return home. Even if they dont suffer from PTSD.
Just that sense of being lost and apart of everything the once knew and lived.
Having served overseas a few times myself and since travelled and backpacked extensively around the world i feel so apart from everything i know of ‘normal life’ that i find myself always just working to save for that next adventure to be closer to the more peaceful me and further from the disappointment of expectations of ‘normal life’.
How fortunate you are to have the ability to travel. How blessed you are that this is an issue in your life and not something “trivial”, like having to stay home bound because you haven’t the means. Bully for you that you aren’t a “mundane 8-5er” (that’s sarcasm). You are clothed. You are fed. You are educated and have resources. Many in this world would blog about their troubles but they are too busy fighting them and don’t have a blog. Or a computer. Or food and clean water. I have traveled. I miss friends, families, countries, etc. I never feel lonely. I am me and that is home, as is my family. I work, I love, I give, I create, I am. Wherever I may be. Quit focusing on you and look out for others. You’ll never feel alone.
WOW , the comments are so right and left field I had to read the blog again. As a traveler I’m happy to read not everyone cut this confused author to pieces. I have never commented on a blog before , nor do I even read many. But…… To the author , if you are afraid no one can see the new you. Then show them in everyway , in our everyday little world. Travel on people and be good to each other.
It’s funny, some people ‘travel the world’ and they’re just as self-involved as ever. To them the world is composed of countries to tick off a list. Experiences are made not to savor personally, but to shove down others’ throats. Photos are not taken to remember the moments, but to prove to others what they did. And to all the people here saying, “well, I guess you just haven’t traveled so you don’t get it.” That’s nonsense. I’ve spent way more of my adult years living abroad than I have in the States. I actually think these are the writings of someone who thinks they’ve experienced a lot overseas, but actually hasn’t. Once you’ve done it long enough, the “shiny newness” wears off even for yourself. You just realize that you feel as much at home or moreso living in another country. It’s no biggie, it just is.
One more thing. I really feel like a lot of ‘travelers’ are not trying to ‘find themselves’ but have actually already found themselves and realized they are ordinary (or at least they fear so). They hate this and they make it their quest to make themselves interesting. But the thing is, a bunch of travel stories doesn’t make you interesting any more than knowing a bunch of jokes makes you witty.
….But…not being able to tell funny stories from your own or another country (or good jokes) makes you a boring guest at a dinner party…..
JDM: I love your response! Also, it’s so arrogant to assume that you’re the only one who changed, just because you went abroad. From this text I get an image of a person, who thinks she/he is so extraordinary just because she went abroad for a year and “ordinary” people will not get that… But that’s no true. You don’t have to travel anywhere to make an experience and change. Sometimes you just read a book and it changes your life. Or you meet somebody. Or something happens in your life.
Not sure if I understood correctly the idea the author is trying to convey, but do you travel as means to show off coolness when you get back? To brag yourself about where you’ve been as if it were ticking off items from a groceries list? The person you’ve become is reflected in your actions and perspectives and yada yada, so why do you care so much if you’re not being ass licked all the time by people back home, thirsty for your tales? Just enjoy the ride, enjoy the transformation and continue traveling.
Not sure if I understood correctly the idea the author is trying to convey, but do you travel as means to show off coolness when you get back? To brag yourself about where you’ve been as if it were ticking off items from a groceries list? The person you’ve become is reflected in your actions and perspectives and yada yada, so why do you care so much if you’re not being ass licked all the time by people back home? Sometimes people acknowledge and are influenced by your change in an invisible way. Just enjoy the ride, enjoy the transformation and continue traveling.
Reading this article was like reading my own thoughts. I’ve never put any words on my feelings about “being back”, but this is spot on.
Thank you.